u/thisisntwho-u-think

Two of my best friends have been dating for going on 5 years. I met my friend, Sasha, on the first day of high school in 2013. We have had our ups and downs but have had a steady adult friendship from about 2021. This was the year that she started dating my other friend, Owen. I actually became friends with Owen after a falling out I had with Sasha in 2017. Him & I became so close we were basically like siblings.

Flash forward, 2021, I’m dating this guy that isn’t going to work out in the long run, but I’m happy for now. Sasha and Owen get together and I’m ecstatic! Who wouldn’t love when the people they love decide to love each other?

Well, their relationship gets toxic pretty fast. We had a new years eve party that year and Owen got super drunk. He started talking about how depressed and fucked up he is and started talking about committing suicide. I drunkenly told my friend Sasha that he’s had some mental health issues for a while and that maybe he should work on himself before being in a committed relationship. Well, he overheard that, didn’t like it. And that was the last time I saw Sasha and Owen for about a year. I was devastated. I would try to reach out but basically got ghosted and disregarded. They even got my other friend, Kayla, to stop talking to me as well.

I was in active addiction at this time. I made some other friends, treated them like shit, and a year later went back to Sasha and Owen with open arms. Big mistake in hindsight, but we were pretty good friends for a couple of years with little to no drama. Actually most of the drama came from me because of how terrible my addictions and dating life was.

Kayla, Sasha and Owen are all roommates at this point. I go over to hang out at their place a LOT. I’m basically the honorary 4th roommate. We have an awesome friend group and we go camping and do fun shit together. We’re in our early twenties and life is awesome. Until the roommate drama starts.

Kayla and Sasha had been best friends since childhood. I grew closer to Kayla in my twenties and the three of us became inseparable. Along with Owen who we all loved.

Everyone says to not become roommates with your best friend. Well, Sasha and Kaylas friendship eventually fell apart. There was lying, manipulation and deception on both ends, but primarily from Sasha. Sasha decided to become friends with someone that hated Kayla, and she lied about it. Sasha ruined Kaylas birthday party by picking a fight in front of her family. Sasha and Owen would team up against Kayla over roommate drama. When their lease was up, they stopped being roommates and eventually that ended their friendship. This left me in the middle of both of them.

Kayla and I would talk about Sashas behavior all the time. She started to show signs of BPD, she was drinking way too much (I felt like a hypocrite talking about this based on my own problems with alcohol, but now that I’m sober I see it a bit more clearly), she was lying to us about things that didn’t matter, she was defending the shitty actions of Owen, she was gossiping about us behind our backs, and she was just being a bad friend. Kayla had enough and I don’t blame her.

The next two years were terrible for me and all of this ended yesterday when I found out I was not invited to Owens graduation ceremony because he decided to invite his childhood best friend, the person that sexually assaulted me when I was 16. The person that he claimed to never speak to anymore because what he did was so fucked up. Sasha defended him again, and that was my last straw.

I’m 137 days sober now. I have been having issues with Sashas lies and manipulative tendencies for years and they’re only getting worse. I’m still friends with Kayla, thank goodness. I’ll move on from these people eventually. I just am kind of in shock and needed to write it all out.

I’ll miss Sasha. We had some good times together, but it got to the point where I was canceling plans with her, I was dreading hanging out, I was always listening to her complain about her life but she never actually did anything to fix it. She brought alcohol over to my house when she knows I’m working on my sobriety and then got mad at me for calling her out on it.

It was the right move. Breaking up with a toxic friend is a lot like breaking up with a substance you’re addicted to. I can do it again.

Thanks for reading.

I have a friend of over 10 years, lets call her Sasha, we are both in our mid twenties now (met in high school)

We have so many memories together, and she’s basically my sister atp. She drives me crazy sometimes, but I know I drive her crazy too…

We had another mutual friend, I’ll call her Kayla, they were best friends before I met either of them and I quickly joined their friend group. In our early 20’s, they decided to become roommates, and it ended terribly. Kayla & I had a lot of really long hard conversations about Sasha’s behavior. It seriously went downhill. We sort of suspected it was due to her alcohol consumption. She is known to lie to us about things, cheat on her partners, and she’s just really mean and selfish sometimes.

I am over 110 days sober myself now, and Sasha continues to lie to me about her own sobriety. I have found poorly hidden booze, and she has a “migraine” weekly… She tells me she’s “sober now” too, as she cracks open a beer. It feels like she’s using my wins as her own sometimes, and it makes it really hard to talk about my own journey with her.

It’s not my place to judge or force her to do anything, but it is triggering for me to see this. Especially because she is constantly complaining to me about mundane things. It’s at the point where I dread hanging out with her.

I had her pet sit for me while I was on vacation, and I came home to a bunch of booze in my fridge. I got upset, because she knows I’m working on my sobriety. It felt very sabotage-y…

When I attempted to set a boundary with her, she got mad at me because of the way I said it. She said I was “attacking her for drinking”, but I was simply saying I would appreciate you throw away any alcohol yourself, so that I don’t have to deal with it.

Kayla told me that Sasha would always fight the boundaries she’d set as well. Sasha is mean and I honestly don’t really want to be friends with her anymore.

Idk what to do. I care about Sasha, but I’m at my witts end. I think I’ll continue to set boundaries and continue to fight for my own sanity, but I don’t think I’ll be hanging out with her as much anymore. It makes me sad, but I don’t see any other options.

I want to cut her off the way Kayla did. It’s just really hard.