u/sonic_strawberry

I don’t know exactly how to write this without sounding like I’m either asking for too much or not enough, but I think that’s kind of the point of me being here.

I’m 30, based in Montreal, with roots and years lived in Alberta and British Columbia. My life has taken on a quieter, more intentional shape over the past few years…something I built slowly, almost stubbornly, out of the aftermath of a violent childhood and a nervous system that had to learn safety from scratch.

I’ve done a lot of that work. Not perfectly, not completely, but enough to know what destabilizes me now, and what doesn’t. Enough to recognize the difference between intensity and intimacy. Enough to understand that the way I’ve been taught to relate—especially romantically—hasn’t always been in my best interest.

I’ve had beautiful relationships with men. Truly. There was care, there was connection, there were moments that felt real and expansive. But more often than not, I found myself bending—subtly, then deeply, around expectations that didn’t belong to me. Sexual expectations, emotional pacing, the quiet assumption that partnership must orbit around a kind of access to my body that I’ve never fully or consistently wanted.

The language that fits me best is somewhere in the realm of demisexual, maybe aromantic asexual. It’s not something I’ve always had clarity on, but it’s something I feel grounded in now. I don’t experience attraction in the ways that seem to structure most relationships, and trying to force myself into that mold has cost me more than I’m willing to keep paying.

What I do want feels both simple and strangely radical.

I want partnership.

Not in the sense of performance or possession, but in the sense of building a life alongside someone. A copilot. Someone to share structure with—meals, space, decisions, the quiet logistics of living. Someone who understands that intimacy can be deeply present without being sexual, that care can be consistent without being consuming.

I’m interested in community as family. In a life that feels supported, intentional, and steady. I want to be able to show up as myself without negotiating my boundaries into something more palatable.

I work from home, so my life already leans inward in some ways. I value calm environments, emotional literacy, mutual respect, and independence that doesn’t feel like distance. I don’t need constant closeness, but I do need reliability. I don’t need grand gestures, but I do need sincerity.

I’m not entirely sure what shape this kind of partnership takes in practice, which is why I’m here—because “lavender marriage,” or something adjacent to it, feels like the closest language I’ve found to describe the kind of intentional, non-traditional bond I’m seeking.

I’m open geographically within Canada in a flexible way, given my history out west, but Montreal is home for now.

I guess this is me saying: I’m not looking for romance as it’s typically defined. I’m looking for something steadier, kinder, and more sustainable. Something chosen, not assumed.

If that resonates with you in any way, I’d be open to talking.

Even if it doesn’t lead anywhere, it would be nice to know there are others out there imagining something similar.

Sorry I did use Ai just to structure my plan out in a way that was palatable but all thoughts are mine.