u/sassy_yeeter

I (18F) have been friends with this person (we’ll call them Sam) for around 2-3 years now, but we starting hanging out more last summer (mid-2025). I have always seen them as a good friend, and nothing more.

At the start of 2026, we had been getting closer (along with another mutual friend, Emma) because we were performing in the same play. Almost every practice us three would be hanging out, getting food or heading home together, and so naturally Sam and I began doing so one-on-one a few times.

Fast forward to two weeks before the show (March), we were having significantly longer rehearsals which would last the entire day and into the evening. Sam would often be sitting in my lap/being touchy and complimenting me (not that strange given they are naturally quite flirty, but they weren’t THAT touchy e.g. sitting in people’s laps with anyone else.)

On the Tuesday, they stayed over at my house and we watched a movie in my room (I have a TV facing my bed). During the movie, they were very close (head on my chest, my arm around them etc.) and I felt that there were some moments/tension. On the same evening they were cuddled up against me (leg over mine and everything).

The next night, we had another evening rehearsal and during this time, Sam and I were in a changing room with a few other people. This included one of Sam’s friends, Kylie. I personally am not the biggest fan of Kylie (she isn‘t the easiest to get along with and has been quite rude to friends of mine in the past), but she’s tolerable for short periods of time. Others left, leaving Sam and I with Kylie. Out of the blue, Kylie says something along the lines of “how obvious is it?”. I didn’t know what she was referring to, until she elaborated.

”That Sam and I are dating.”

I was confused, to say the least. I rarely saw the two of them hanging out (especially compared to how much Sam hung out with Emma and I) and they didn’t seem like the most obvious couple, but I just brushed it off. I asked Kylie about it later that night and found out that they had been ‘together’ for a few months.

I told Emma later (who was equally surprised, and shares the same reservations about Kylie), but asked her not to tell Sam I told her.

On the Friday (first show night), Sam, Emma and I went on a walk in the interval. Emma pretended to have figured out that they were dating, and we asked Sam all about it. They told us that Kylie and them had only kissed five times over the span of the few months, and that it didn’t really feel like a relationship. We pressed them, and they basically said that they were considering breaking up and that they felt they were already ‘emotionally cheating’ on Kylie, and that was something they didn’t want.

On the Saturday of that week Sam stayed over again and slept in my bed despite us having a guest room. Same touchiness and cuddling as Tuesday night.

Emma and I thought that the following week would be a good opportunity for Sam to break up with Kylie, and asked them about it. We expressed that we didn’t think they were a great match, particularly because of what Sam had said to us on the Friday, and that it would be best if they did it sooner rather than later.

Kylie has a very abrasive, dominant personality and can be quite forceful, whereas Sam is much more easygoing (and some might say a pushover). This is never a good dynamic, but especially because the two were friends before they got together, and we thought Sam would have a harder time breaking up with Kylie because of this (Kylie literally has one friend other than Sam, and so they might feel guilty about it.)

Anyway, after the show ended I begun wondering if I liked Sam as more than a friend. I’ve never been particularly good at distinguishing platonic vs romantic feelings, and so I was in a bit of a spiral after this, wondering if it was just a result of proximity or something. I thought about Sam a lot more than I had before, and found myself wanting to be around them or do things for them.

I hung out with Emma about a week ago and told her all this, and she basically said that she had assumed I was the one Sam was ‘emotionally cheating’/liked. This fuelled my thoughts and pretty much confirmed to me that I like Sam. She basically advised that I distance myself but I think I’d find that pretty difficult.

She also said that she doesn’t think Sam will actually break up with Kylie (mostly for the aforementioned reasons), and will coast along until they naturally drift apart.

So, any advice? I don’t want to get overly invested or be delusional, just wondering what I should do.

(PSA don’t worry about being harsh, I will appreciate the honesty.)

Thanks!

I (18F) have been friends with this person (we’ll call them Sam) for around 2-3 years now, but we starting hanging out more last summer (mid-2025). I have always seen them as a good friend, and nothing more.

At the start of 2026, we had been getting closer (along with another mutual friend, Emma) because we were performing in the same play. Almost every practice us three would be hanging out, getting food or heading home together, and so naturally Sam and I began doing so one-on-one a few times.

Fast forward to two weeks before the show (March), we were having significantly longer rehearsals which would last the entire day and into the evening. Sam would often be sitting in my lap/being touchy and complimenting me (not that strange given they are naturally quite flirty, but they weren’t THAT touchy e.g. sitting in people’s laps with anyone else.)

On the Tuesday, they stayed over at my house and we watched a movie in my room (I have a TV facing my bed). During the movie, they were very close (head on my chest, my arm around them etc.) and I felt that there were some moments/tension. On the same evening they were cuddled up against me (leg over mine and everything).

The next night, we had another evening rehearsal and during this time, Sam and I were in a changing room with a few other people. This included one of Sam’s friends, Kylie. I personally am not the biggest fan of Kylie (she isn‘t the easiest to get along with and has been quite rude to friends of mine in the past), but she’s tolerable for short periods of time. Others left, leaving Sam and I with Kylie. Out of the blue, Kylie says something along the lines of “how obvious is it?”. I didn’t know what she was referring to, until she elaborated.

”That Sam and I are dating.”

I was confused, to say the least. I rarely saw the two of them hanging out (especially compared to how much Sam hung out with Emma and I) and they didn’t seem like the most obvious couple, but I just brushed it off. I asked Kylie about it later that night and found out that they had been ‘together’ for a few months.

I told Emma later (who was equally surprised, and shares the same reservations about Kylie), but asked her not to tell Sam I told her.

On the Friday (first show night), Sam, Emma and I went on a walk in the interval. Emma pretended to have figured out that they were dating, and we asked Sam all about it. They told us that Kylie and them had only kissed five times over the span of the few months, and that it didn’t really feel like a relationship. We pressed them, and they basically said that they were considering breaking up and that they felt they were already ‘emotionally cheating’ on Kylie, and that was something they didn’t want.

On the Saturday of that week Sam stayed over again and slept in my bed despite us having a guest room. Same touchiness and cuddling as Tuesday night.

Emma and I thought that the following week would be a good opportunity for Sam to break up with Kylie, and asked them about it. We expressed that we didn’t think they were a great match, particularly because of what Sam had said to us on the Friday, and that it would be best if they did it sooner rather than later.

Kylie has a very abrasive, dominant personality and can be quite forceful, whereas Sam is much more easygoing (and some might say a pushover). This is never a good dynamic, but especially because the two were friends before they got together, and we thought Sam would have a harder time breaking up with Kylie because of this (Kylie literally has one friend other than Sam, and so they might feel guilty about it.)

Anyway, after the show ended I begun wondering if I liked Sam as more than a friend. I’ve never been particularly good at distinguishing platonic vs romantic feelings, and so I was in a bit of a spiral after this, wondering if it was just a result of proximity or something. I thought about Sam a lot more than I had before, and found myself wanting to be around them or do things for them.

I hung out with Emma about a week ago and told her all this, and she basically said that she had assumed I was the one Sam was ‘emotionally cheating’/liked. This fuelled my thoughts and pretty much confirmed to me that I like Sam. She basically advised that I distance myself but I think I’d find that pretty difficult.

She also said that she doesn’t think Sam will actually break up with Kylie (mostly for the aforementioned reasons), and will coast along until they naturally drift apart.

So, any advice? I don’t want to get overly invested or be delusional, just wondering what I should do.

(PSA don’t worry about being harsh, I will appreciate the honesty.)

Thanks!