Gendered division of labor despite being out for years.
I’m non-binary transmasc and my sister is also trans. We’ve both been out since our early teens. Now I’m 21 and she’s 22. I’ve always noticed that our parents don’t really expect anything from her. I know a lot of it stems from them not wanting to deal with her autism. So they just let her do whatever. But as our parents have gotten older and we’ve started having to think about what they’ll do when/if they can’t care for themselves, I’ve noticed a difference in expectations that feels more gendered.
My mom has always talked about moving in with me when she’s old. It used to be more of a joke, but it’s not so much any more. Recently, my dad gave me power of attorney, so that I won’t have to fight his sisters for authority if he dies/becomes incapacitated before them. He also gave me a not insignificant amount of money. He said that my sister wouldn’t get either of these things yet specifically because he doesn’t think she’s responsible enough.
I can’t help but feel like we’re being treated like I’m the daughter and she’s the son. In that I’m the one who is expected to care for the family and be responsible. While my sister spends her time doing drugs, being irresponsible with money, and having to take a year off from college due to bad grades with no real repercussions.
But also, I know that our parents don’t really know how to interact with her. And they definitely had no idea how to raise an autistic child. Whatever it is, there’s a big imbalance in our expectations that I cant stand but don’t know how to approach.
I don’t know what I wanted to get out of this. But it feels nice to write it down somewhere.