once i found out about my bf’s porn addiction, i lost all of my sex drive
Just for some context, I (20F) found probably hundreds of lewd and sexual videos of girls (none of them looked like me either) saved on Instagram on my boyfriend’s (20M) phone. We almost broke up but I trust him, and he started to go therapy for it. Everything has been perfect, and he has not been looking at anything since. We even passed our 1 year anniversary. Besides…. Sex or anything sex-related for me. Which is so confusing because intimacy was a big part of our relationship before.
He is an amazing boyfriend and I genuinely love him so much. But ever since I found the videos on his phone, I’ve lost all of my sex drive. I’m never horny, and if I am it’s usually just when I’m alone. I’ve even tried to watch porn (I know… why would i do that) but it genuinely just made me nauseous and I almost threw up.
We have had sex once within the past 4 months when we were drunk; the sex was good I guess but it didn’t feel the same as before, and I couldn’t finish despite finishing each time before. A week ago he was just fingering me and I was so turned off within not even a minute of him starting.
I’m so confused on what to do. I just miss how my relationship with my boyfriend used to be. There’s nothing that falls short, and honestly at the rate of my sexual drive’s decline, I would be fine not having sex for the rest of my life. But deep down it just feels wrong and I know this is not who I am. I don’t know what’s wrong. Please give me advice on what I can do to fix this gap in intimacy both for just myself and my relationship.