Pls don't ignore, someone help me I wanna end it
I'm 18 years old, currently a student who's preparing for a college entrance exam which is next year which requires me to study 8-10 hours a day. I just started my prep, I'm good at academics but I'm feeling some symptoms by which I think i have dpdr
This is what I feel:
I feel first of all no emotions be it sadness happiness excitement or joy
I feel like I'm not 100% conscious or fully in the present, I'm aware of what's going on It's not like I'm living in some other world, but it's like my brain is 10% conscious or online, it's a constant state of zoned out.
Everything feels foggy and a state which is hard to describe but I'll try, it's like i process everything going on with 10-20% of the surroundings intensity, like while I'm eating watching tv in class, I'm there but not 100% here I feel a gap between this and reality, it's like I'm all the time in my head and not connected to the present or surroundings
And this is affecting my studies too, in this exam I have to solve hard questions that too within time limit, i understand the topics and I'm quite good in building problem solving approach too, in fact I'm very active in giving answers in my class but when I do self study and try to do questions this state of foggy/zoned out affects my thinking and speed by a lot, I read a question and my mind takes time to even read the English of the question, it's like "a particle moving with a speed" I see this and that too I can't register with 100% clarity , I still solve the question but I can't perform with 100% my potential and this is not even the main problem,
When I come home from class I have to study for 5-6 hours but because of this I just can't, this state gives me anxiety because I'm not able to study because of this and have more anxiety and this cycle continues
This is very hard to explain but I tried my best, pls tell me how to recover, i really wanna work hard and study or i will end my life