u/norththread

It's never enough. And how would it be if no one's coming to save me?

I have chronic illness and nobody is coming to save me. It's been years of this.

I seriously need answers.

I have endless proof of pain. I've moved across the country to live with people from this subreddit. I dropped out of school for doctors appointments. What do you even do at this point? My support system is absolutely zlitch.

Why do the people who love you deny your reality?

I would legit do anything to stop going to bed at 8am and rather wake up at this time.

I've been severely ill from mold for years. I have to throw away everything I own.

I have to throw away everything and restart for the 3rd time. Neighbor had massives leaks from pipe bursts.

No matter how positive, no matter how optimistic no matter what manifestation technique, no matter how hard of discipline motivational willpower it almost every time ends in a way that couldn't be worse.

I can't keep going to bed at 7am. I fucking hate this. Everyone in my life calls me lazy.

I need to heal a chronic illness and need that 10-2AM detox window

For months now it's been go to bed at 7-10am and wake up when everything is closed and it's 3-5pm.

So beyond pissed. Probably have done over 95+ all nighters this year. I don't know anyone in life who's more sleep deprived than I've been in my life. I'm pissed.

I used to love the night. In fact, it was the only thing I loved two months ago I prayed that I would only like day, not thinking it would work cause I hate the day and I haven't enjoyed the night for even a millisecond. I only enjoy the day.

How paradoxical.

I have unlimited amounts of willpower discipline and motivation. I'll stay up days on and go to bed earlier and earlier go to bed later and later I'm on Ambien Tylenol and melatonin no matter what I can't lay down until it's too late and then I'm panicking and then I'm up till 7 AM. I've been trying to fix my sleep schedule for 11 months straight. Completely isolated on a night schedule. I've lost my entire life to the schedule. I'm drowning in debt. I've lost relationships. Everything.

I go to bed at 7am and wanna cry honestly. Everyone the sun shines through my window I am incredibly jealous beyond words. Another day fucking wasted. My mind runs a billion miles a minute, I take melatonin, Tylenol pm, ambien...

I've lost everything to night schedule. I can't stand the night. Truly sick of it when it once meant everything to me. I feel sick to my stomach looking at the clock and it being past 12-1am... this is sickening. I wish to god I was a morning person. Who actually gets anything done in the night... it's never consistent. I want rountine, I want schedule, would do anything. I always have a window to sleep from 3pm-7pm but if it gets passed that I'm up till 7am no matter what medication no matter how many days I've been up. Doesn't matter. Extremely sad about the situation. Anyone relate?

It's not that I can't get tired. It's that my mind racism 1,000,000 miles a minute last night I took Tylenol p.m. melatonin and Ambien. I've been up for days.

I absolutely can't stand this.

It feels like an excuse. It really does. My life has been absolutely destroyed by night schedule.

No matter what I do I just can't fall asleep till 6-7am but it feels like an excuse cause I've never once laid down at 6-7 before I hit that second wind that keeps me up all night.

What are the hallmarks of DSPD? How do I rule out if it's just horrible horrible horrible bed time procrastination

Countless all nighters, going to bed later and later, going to bed earlier and earlier.

I notice the body always creates a bridge of incidents till adleast 1-2am no matter what every single time.

It's like as soon as it's hits 7pm all the tiredness id built up over days just vanishes... and next thing you know it's 11:30-12-1

I don't know if it's the most unconscious bed time procrastination on the planet or what. I'm extremely tired of it. I want my life back. I take ambien and just lay there all night. Or feel like I wake up thousands of times.

I'm on ambien right now and even after days no sleep I just lay there all night... maybe can get my body to shut off but my mind will absolutely not until 7-10am...

I have yet tried to fall asleep before that second wind and idk how.... i'll stay at multiple days and I'll consciously watch the clock. I can't let that happen again. I've done this hundreds of times next thing you know it's 8:30-9pm again...

No one would do this to themselves. What is this? I've done hundreds of all nighters this year.

I can only think of the subconscious (95%) controlling your entire life. But I'm not sure.

It's the most unconscious self sabatoge on planet earth. I haven't left my house in months, need a haircut, missing holidays, missing job opportunities.

It's an unlimited game of "I didn't kill her I swear I'm innocent" and going to jail for decades.

Anyone else relate? When you have a clean house and only have a few spots of bubbling paint or mold in your ac or mold behind a wall...

Just seems dramatic to everyone else.

Surely I eventually would meet another person with HLA Dr Gene right? I don't wanna believe in mold illness but I cough up black all day everyday and was perfectly healthy before I ever moved into a moldy basement. Hundreds of issues since.

I need everyone's stories. Why is almost everyone you've ever talked to fine.... expect for me.