Feeling lost and broken
I’ve been struggling with anger for about 5 years now and I’m no closer to resolving my issues or even figuring out what they are. My wife is scared and stressed by my raising my voice at our child (5) when I want them to listen or stop/start doing things.
My anger got me into legal trouble a few years ago. I took an anger management course as part of the process of avoiding a conviction. I still get angry.
I’ve been in therapy for almost 5 years, starting from a time when I lashed out at some of my wife’s friends. My wife thinks it’s not helping. She thought I was a calm person when we met. I thought I was too. Turns out I’m just good at hiding my frustration until it spills out. When it started to emerge in our relationship she attributed it to unresolved grief from losing my first wife.
I just don’t know what it is.
I’ve also been unemployed for almost 3 years now, working independently since then but not earning much and not getting steady work sometimes. I try applying for jobs but I rarely get to the interview stage. And somehow the same jobs keep coming up as if they still haven’t hired someone but it’s never me. My wife helps me apply sometimes but I feel like a ghost. A lot of the ads sound like I’d be training AI to do my old job anyway.
I wonder if it’s depression. I don’t enjoy much of what I used to do anymore (interests, hobbies). I don’t have close friends. I don’t do much of anything.
I don’t know what to do. I wish I had the kind of temperament where I could let things not get to me but that seems like not feeling much of anything.
Anyway, thanks for reading.