u/mkm3311

I’ve been trying to figure out if this is anxiety or just how I naturally am.

I can go out, meet people, do normal things etc. But it never feels completely relaxed.

It’s more like I’m always managing it in the background, thinking about how long I’ll stay, when I might leave, or whether I’ve had enough social time.

Even if I’m enjoying something, there’s still this part of me that’s kind of tracking everything and waiting until I can go back to my own space.

And when I do get back, I feel instant relief, like I can finally switch off.

It’s not that I don’t like people or going out, but it always feels like something I have to handle rather than just naturally be in.

Not sure if that makes sense, but does anyone else feel like this?

I’ve been trying to put this into words, but I’m curious if anyone else experiences this.

I can usually get myself out of the house and go somewhere, so it’s not always about being unable to go out.

But once I’m out, I don’t really feel settled.

It’s like there’s always something in the background: “How long am I going to stay?”, “What if I need to leave early?”, “Where’s the easiest way out if I need it?”

Even if everything is completely fine, I still feel kind of on edge the whole time, like I’m not fully present.

And the moment I leave and start heading back, I feel instant relief.

It makes it hard to actually enjoy being out, even when I want to be.

Does anyone else get this?

Not sure if this is just me, but looking back at my first year at uni I think I spent a lot more time in my room than I thought I would.

It wasn’t even always intentional. Sometimes I’d just default to staying in, even if I didn’t really have anything to do.

I think part of it was that once you get used to being on your own, going back out again starts to feel like more of a thing than it should be. Even small stuff like going to campus or into town would feel like a bit of a build-up some days.

And then when I did go out, I’d notice I was kind of on edge the whole time, like I was always thinking about how long I’d stay or when I could head back.

I don’t know if that was just a me thing or if it’s more common, but it definitely made uni feel a bit more isolating than I expected.

Did anyone else have a similar experience?

I’m not sure how common this is, but during uni I used to feel like I constantly needed an “exit” whenever I left the house. It wasn’t just being in lectures or public places.

Even leaving my room could feel like a build-up.

Sometimes it would start hours before, thinking:
“What if I need to leave halfway?”
“What if I feel stuck and can’t get out?”

Then once I was out, that feeling didn’t go away: walking somewhere, being on transport, just being around people felt like I didn’t really have an escape.

By the time I got somewhere, I was already on edge.

And instead of focusing, my brain would go straight to:
“Where’s the exit?”
“How quickly can I leave?”
“Will people notice if I go?”

Sometimes I’d leave early and feel instant relief.

Other times I’d stay, but I wasn’t really present. I felt drained after every lecture.

I never really spoke about it at the time, but I feel like I can’t be the only one.

Has anyone else experienced something like this?