u/maddenplayer12345

I’ve been with my gf for almost 8 months and I’ve witnessed her pmdd episodes at least 5-6 times and it always ends up her ghosting me and me needing to apologize. I’ve been nothing but supportive and reassuring but during these times she’s extremely hyper critical and would get emotional at anything I do, saying she’s worth more than that. But I’m not sure how much more I could give without it draining the life out of me.

2 days ago she had a really breakdown about me being exhausted and not being what she expected from me that day. I’m not sure why, but my entire outlook on her changed. I felt so physically and mentally drained that even talking tired me. Yesterday I texted her how drained I felt and that I don’t feel confident in having a conversation. Instead of asking what’s wrong, she ghosted me. And it’s making my resentment build.

I really want things to work as outside of luteal, she’s the girl of my dreams. Does anyone have advice or gone through something similar?

Long post please bare with me,

Me (21M) and my gf (21F) have been together for about 8 months, and it’s both of our first relationship. We initially connected as best friends, as we shared almost every hobby and interest. A month into that, we both realized that we liked each other, so I confessed to her.

At the start, it’s been the best couple of weeks of my life. We hung out twice a week, and it was never enough for me. But 10 days before her period, she would become very avoidant and critical of me. She would suffer from depression and major self-esteem issues, and I’d be there to reassure her every step of the way the best I can. Not once have I ever been mean to her or purposely upset her - I’ve been nothing but supportive and loving to her during these times. But she’d always find a way to put the blame onto me by saying I’m not doing enough for her and that’s she’s worth more than that. I’m guessing this could be some form of PMDD, and it feels like I only get to see her at her best for 1.5-2 weeks a month.

For reference, I drive an hour to her city every time we want to hang out, and she expects me to drive another 30 minutes to an hour to the spots she chooses. I don’t mind the driving, but she expects me to plan out dates for her when I’m already mentally and physically drained from all the driving. I also pay for everything, including dates, gas, etc.

The main issue: we found out we both had a day we could hang out, but she wanted me to plan something. I didn’t know what to do, so I just suggested a cafe or something because I also had to work a 7-3 shift that day. Once I got to her, which took an hour and 10 minutes due to traffic, she suggested we go to a cafe that was another 25 minutes away. To be honest, I was extremely exhausted from work and all the driving, so I suggested we just find something in her city, and she had a full-on breakdown. She started crying on the verge of a panic attack, saying she was excited all day and got ready to be taken out. I tried to comfort her for almost 2 hours, but the whole time I felt so suffocated and drained. She could tell at some points that I was uncomfortable and exhausted, which made her even more upset. In the end, I drove to the cafe that was 25 minutes away, and when we got there, she was still upset.

I’m not the best at expressing my emotions due to my childhood, so I tend to keep everything in and try to be the supportive one. But in the days after that, I genuinely didn’t have it in me to want to talk to anyone. Even sending a good morning text tired me out. I didn’t even have the energy to talk to anyone at work either.

I’m so scared of what my feelings toward her are leading to and the resentment building up, and I really want things to work with her more than anything. Does anyone have any advice or guidance?

Thank you.

Me (21M) and my gf (21F) have been together for about 8 months, and it’s both of our first relationship. We initially connected as best friends, as we shared almost every hobby and interest. A month into that, we both realized that we liked each other, so I confessed to her.

At the start, it’s been the best couple of weeks of my life. We hung out twice a week, and it was never enough for me. But 10 days before her period, she would become very avoidant and critical of me. She would suffer from depression and major self-esteem issues, and I’d be there to reassure her every step of the way the best I can. Not once have I ever been mean to her or purposely upset her - I’ve been nothing but supportive and loving to her. But she’d always find a way to put the blame onto me by saying I’m not doing enough for her. I’m guessing this could be some form of PMDD, and it feels like I only get to see her at her best for 1.5–2 weeks a month.

For reference, I drive an hour to her city every time we want to hang out, and she expects me to drive another 30 minutes to an hour to the spots she chooses. I don’t mind the driving, but she expects me to plan out dates for her when I’m already mentally and physically drained from all the driving. I also pay for everything, including dates, gas, etc.

The main issue: we found out we both had a day we could hang out, but she wanted me to plan something. I didn’t know what to do, so I just suggested a cafe or something because I also had to work a 7–3 shift that day. Once I got to her, which took an hour and 10 minutes due to traffic, she suggested we go to a cafe that was another 25 minutes away. To be honest, I was extremely exhausted from work and all the driving, so I suggested we just find something in her city, and she had a full-on breakdown. She started crying on the verge of a panic attack, saying she was excited all day and got ready to be taken out. I tried to comfort her for almost 2 hours, but the whole time I felt so suffocated and drained. She could tell at some points that I was uncomfortable and exhausted, which made her even more upset. In the end, I drove to the cafe that was 25 minutes away, and when we got there, she was still upset.

I’m not the best at expressing my emotions due to my childhood, so I tend to keep everything in and try to be the supportive one. But in the days after that, I genuinely didn’t have it in me to want to talk to anyone. Even sending a good morning text tired me out. I didn’t even have the energy to talk to anyone at work either.

I’m so scared of what my feelings toward her are leading to, and I really want things to work with her more than anything. Does anyone have any advice or guidance?

Thank you.

Me (21M) and my gf (21F) have been together for about 8 months, and it’s both of our first relationship. We initially connected as best friends, as we shared almost every hobby and interest. A month into that, we both realized that we liked each other, so I confessed to her.

At the start, it’s been the best couple of weeks of my life. We hung out twice a week, and it was never enough for me. But 10 days before her period, she would become very avoidant and critical of me. She would suffer from depression and major self-esteem issues, and I’d be there to reassure her every step of the way the best I can. Not once have I ever been mean to her or purposely upset her - I’ve been nothing but supportive and loving to her. But she’d always find a way to put the blame onto me by saying I’m not doing enough for her. I’m guessing this could be some form of PMDD, and it feels like I only get to see her at her best for 1.5–2 weeks a month.

For reference, I drive an hour to her city every time we want to hang out, and she expects me to drive another 30 minutes to an hour to the spots she chooses. I don’t mind the driving, but she expects me to plan out dates for her when I’m already mentally and physically drained from all the driving. I also pay for everything, including dates, gas, etc.

The main issue: we found out we both had a day we could hang out, but she wanted me to plan something. I didn’t know what to do, so I just suggested a cafe or something because I also had to work a 7–3 shift that day. Once I got to her, which took an hour and 10 minutes due to traffic, she suggested we go to a cafe that was another 25 minutes away. To be honest, I was extremely exhausted from work and all the driving, so I suggested we just find something in her city, and she had a full-on breakdown. She started crying on the verge of a panic attack, saying she was excited all day and got ready to be taken out. I tried to comfort her for almost 2 hours, but the whole time I felt so suffocated and drained. She could tell at some points that I was uncomfortable and exhausted, which made her even more upset. In the end, I drove to the cafe that was 25 minutes away, and when we got there, she was still upset.

I’m not the best at expressing my emotions due to my childhood, so I tend to keep everything in and try to be the supportive one. But in the days after that, I genuinely didn’t have it in me to want to talk to anyone. Even sending a good morning text tired me out. I didn’t even have the energy to talk to anyone at work either.

I’m so scared of what my feelings toward her are leading to, and I really want things to work with her more than anything. Does anyone have any advice or guidance?
Thank you.

TL;DR:
I (21M) have been dating my gf (21F) for 8 months (both first relationship). Things are amazing when she’s feeling good, but about 1–2 weeks each month she becomes very critical, avoidant, and blames me for not doing enough, even though I’m always supportive. I drive over an hour to see her, plan/pay for everything, and try to meet her expectations, but it’s starting to drain me.

Recently, after working a long shift and driving to her, I didn’t have the energy to go somewhere farther like she wanted, which led to her having a breakdown. I comforted her for hours and still ended up driving there, but I felt completely exhausted and suffocated. Since then I’ve been emotionally burnt out and struggling to even text people.

I care about her a lot and want this to work, but I’m scared of where my feelings are heading.