u/lyynnnhh

I haven't seen anything of him in such a long time.

Should I be worried lol

Been crying since last night and it already 11am. Usually when I wake up the wave of sadness would disappear. But today Idk. I don't want to share it to anyone near me since I'm not Expressive. I'm seen as the care free person. My head hearts, my throat hurts. My eyes hurt.

Suggest something to do because I don't want to be sad all day orelse my mom's gonna be mad at me for being moody and all 🙂

because why are we waiting to get things from a man who don't know you want it. unless you tell or show it in someway he won't know.

the same thing goes to expressing love.

just a moment ago I realized he won't know I like him this much unless I actually tell him that. talking to him won't show him how much I like this boy.

who even decided girl expressing her love first is corny?

He seems different but obviously we won't know anyone truly.

In a world full of lustful men, he never asked for anything inappropriate. The time we hung out we kept our distance and didn't even hold hands because I'm not a clingy and touchy person. Even my sister mad fun of it

because I wasn't all touchy on our first date lol.

He doesn't do reckless driving or drinking and smoking

like most people his age. He keeps a low profile. spends

most time with his family mostly. He doesn't have much

friends. he is extremely introverted but not nonchalant. ifthat makes any sense.

when we talk, it more of feel like talking to a best friend.

Maybe that's how he see me?

I think I'm scared to let him go because I feel like I have

this fear I might not find someone like him. not exactly

like him but yk that's a rare species. We got a bit history

over the past years so it's gonna be hard for me to just

let him go. it is unless I meet a perfect man to replace

him. which is unlikely. I'm not that attractive so yea.

happy even he is talking to me tbh.

I just wish he would maybe even accidentally see this

and at least get some idea that I actually enjoy his

company more than anyone. when I have a bad day he's

the first person I want to tell. but since he doesn't

respond I just keep it and write it in a diary.

Weirdly I started keeping a diary from the first day I

texted him and it's been over 5 years now.

he might be closest thing I will ever experience as my

teenage romance as I'm gonna turn 20 next year.

I took peoples advice and tried talking to someone else. and this new guy does have some qualities I like. but I found myself checking the last time he was online through various apps. saw he was online yesterday morning(Wednesday) . I texted him Sunday mid night. and no response ever since.

I feel like talking to the new guy is cheating? maybe it's not loyalty. but I have been turning down every guy that came up to be for the past 5 years because I want it to be him. and he ghosts me out of nowhere. so I shouldn't feel like this right?

this is distracting me from my work and Im lying to my friends saying I'm the one who is ghosting him because I'm busy just so they don't think he is a bad person. I see how my friends are being treated and makes me wonder are this lying to protect his image (he Didn't ask to) is leading me nowhere.

he did say he don't know how to express love since he didn't grow up in an expressive household and never had any other relationship.

tonight me and my friends were going through wedding dresses and they kept teasing about him. made me sad tbh. everytime they say this suits me or this post is my vibe, all I can think about is him.

tbh he isn't all that but I don't want to talk bad off him to others.

genuinely don't know how to feel about this anymore

is it bad?

research purpose