u/lumpy_celery

hi everyone.

im daughter caregiver of my mom with vascular dementia and need support from the filipino caregiver community. i am part of caregiver community that is not only filipino and they dont understand i cant just put my mom in a home. they also dont undersatnd that my dad expects me to be the caregiver and that its difficult for me to do it alone. i have two sisters but he does not expect it of them but of me and only me because i am the dutiful daughter that had volunteered and now i am the designated one whome everything is expected of me.

i am desperate for help from other filipino caregivers and would like to know if there is a dedicated sub or interest in forming one.

note i am not looking for services just community to share struggles and how theyre shaped by our culture. my dad doesn't talk a lot and doesn't express emotions well, he and his family grew up poor but i think this made it difficult to ask for help. i am trying to understand how to navigate beyond this pride to get him to accept we need help-- not just for my mom but for him, my family, and myself.

there was a post about other family members not feeling a sense of utang na loob or kusang loob and i just am so lost because we cant control others but just a building resentment why its just me. it's really tough doing alone but i know im not the only one ...

i would never force my partner to pay for my student loans, but it would help considering private loans are now necessary to pay tuition and unsubsidized federal loans capped at 50k/yr. im looking at 500k before residency and this doesnt include added 15% apr (fixed) (so daunting tbh)

interested in hearing how many couples opted for a "team" approach in paying off debts together, or the "separate" approach who kept finances separate.

i understand this is a purely personal decision but am curious what people have learned in taking either approach.

(for context i'm an M2 future bride and considering prenup or postnup).

Hi everyone.

Basically the title.

We never considered a prenup but I brought it up for transparency purposes.

I go to a private medical school with tuition roughly over $110k/year so when i graduate ill accumulate well over half a million $$$ in debt. Without a prenup, I'll be taking him down with me if ever I go without a job or something happens and I can't pay it off. Especially with grad plus loans capped, I will have to be using private loans that charge interest over 12% after residency.

He makes about $70k, told me he would support me if it ever came down to it and willing to go through the highs and the lows (he didn't want a prenup).

I am not interested in his money, but truthfully I just wanted to be honest about what he was getting into especially since I don't think he understood the staggering amount of loans and debt that need to be paid off before any real cash starts rolling in.. from my conversation it seemed like he was only thinking about my future success and was taken aback when i mentioned the scenario that he would be forced to pay for my student loans if I had to stop work....he said he viewed prenups as an easy way for people to get divorced (?). God forbid if it did come to that, it technically WOULD make the process less stressful, but i can also understand why he would feel this is a touchy subject.

It's just a tough conversation to have but i felt like i was doing the right thing. after all, if i am marrying this person we should be able to have difficult conversations like these...? What's everyones thoughts?

For those who got married, with or without a prenup, what are your reasons? if you were in my shoes, what's the best options? open to advice and comments thank you