u/itsaelia

I’m bipolar and I also have BPD and CPTSD. I struggle a lot with expressing my emotions the “right” way. I acknowledged that from the beginning and told my boyfriend before we started dating, so please don’t judge too harshly. Also before anyone says “just break up,” I really do not want that. I love him and I want advice on how to fix this or at least understand if I’m actually being too sensitive or if this would hurt other people too.

We’ve been together for around a year now.

When we first started dating, he was extremely attentive, emotionally present, reassuring, affectionate, and understanding. He made me feel emotionally safe. If I was spiraling, overthinking, having an episode, or panicking, he would calm me down and talk me through it. He made me feel wanted and emotionally secure in a way I honestly never really felt before.

I also cried around him a lot, which is actually unusual for me because I hate crying in front of people. Even though sometimes I cannot control it because of my disorders, I still try very hard not to cry because I hate feeling vulnerable like that. I think a lot of that comes from my CPTSD and the way I grew up. I got used to forcing myself numb emotionally because showing emotions never felt safe growing up. So the fact I cried around him at all meant I trusted him a lot emotionally and felt safe enough to let my guard down around him.

At first, if I cried, he would comfort me. Then over time, he started getting more frustrated by it, which honestly I partially understood because there were periods where I cried over very small things due to how emotionally unstable I can get sometimes. He was never cruel about it initially. He would mostly say it hurt him seeing me cry so often or that it overwhelmed him emotionally, and I understood that because constantly dealing with someone crying can become emotionally exhausting.

But slowly things shifted more and more over time.

Now he’s usually busy with studying, family issues, his own mental health, or his activities. He’s also a med student and athletic, so I know his schedule can become extremely overwhelming and exhausting, and I try hard to be understanding about that. He says a lot of this distance comes from his depression and stress, and I do believe he’s struggling mentally.

But what hurts me is that despite his depression, he still finds time for his activities, hobbies, friends, and other things he enjoys. He even told me before that he tries to spend whatever free time he can create on things he loves. And I know this sounds horrible, but my brain instantly thinks then why am I not one of those things?

And I’m not saying he should cancel all of that out and only spend his free time with me. I don’t want that. I understand people need balance, hobbies, friends, and space. But it hurts feeling like I barely get any emotional effort at all while other things still seem to get energy from him. I’m only asking for at least some of that free time.

I also understand that my attachment is a lot more intense because of my BPD and because he’s my favorite person. I know I probably think about him more intensely than the average person thinks about their partner, and I don’t expect him to favor me to that same level or think about me exactly the way I think about him.

But at the same time, the normal boyfriend behavior doesn’t even feel present anymore. I’m not asking for extra time or unrealistic levels of attention. I’m asking for the bare minimum. I’m asking for the 20 minutes to 1 hour he already dedicates to me before sleeping to actually feel like quality time instead of us sitting in silence while he scrolls on his phone, gives dry responses, falls asleep, and then later claims “we called.”

The thing is, I hold myself back a LOT because I know I can become overwhelming emotionally. For example, if we call at like 9 AM and he says he’s studying, I’ll intentionally leave him alone for like 5 to 6 hours. No calls, no double texting, nothing. Then eventually I’ll text something simple like “how are you,” “what are you doing,” “I miss you,” or “where are you,” and sometimes he still won’t reply for hours or won’t reply at all until he gets home maybe 10 hours later.

And emotionally that confuses me because to me it feels impossible not to check your phone even once during that amount of time, especially when it’s literally one text from your girlfriend and not someone demanding a full conversation.

Then during those nighttime calls I’ll calmly bring up how much it hurt me that he ignored my texts all day, and he gets frustrated and says I’m ruining his mood or trying to argue when he just wants to relax after a long day. But I’m usually not approaching him aggressively at all. I’m trying to explain that he pops into my head constantly throughout the day. If something funny or random happens, my first thought is literally “I can’t wait to tell him about this.” So emotionally it hurts because I cannot understand how hours pass and apparently I don’t cross his mind enough for even one small text back.

And I know my crying and complaining probably makes his day feel heavier sometimes. I understand that. But at the same time, I feel like those reactions are usually triggered by the way he treats me emotionally now. Like I don’t just wake up and randomly start crying or complaining for no reason. It usually happens after being ignored for hours, getting dry responses, feeling emotionally dismissed, or feeling like I’m talking to someone who doesn’t even want to be there. So part of me struggles to understand why talking to me feels like such a chore to him now when a lot of the crying and emotional conversations are reactions to the distance itself.

What also makes this harder is that I’m depressed too, on top of all my other disorders. There were periods where I was so depressed I physically could not even get myself up properly to go pee or take care of myself, and despite that, I still wanted to talk to him because talking to him made me feel better. He still brought me comfort even during my worst depressive episodes.

So I understand that depression affects people differently, I really do. But emotionally it’s hard for me to understand why his friends, activities, sports, and hobbies still seem comforting to him while talking to me seems emotionally exhausting. Like if spending time with people you love is supposed to make you feel lighter, then why does it feel like I make him feel heavier instead?

Another thing is that I technically do have friends and acquaintances. I know a lot of people actually. But emotionally most social interactions feel empty to me. I only have maybe 2 to 5 people I feel deeply emotionally connected to, and my boyfriend is my favorite person, so naturally the attachment is much more intense. Talking to other people does not emotionally fulfill me the same way talking to him does.

Over time though, things became harsher emotionally. The understanding version of him slowly became more frustrated, more distant, and less patient. Eventually that turned into him hanging up on me sometimes when I cry, getting irritated while I’m emotional, calling me dramatic or childish occasionally, or acting like my emotions are automatically me blaming him even when I’m just overwhelmed and trying to communicate hurt feelings.

I know I’m mentally ill. I know my attachment style probably isn’t healthy. I know I overthink, become emotionally dependent, and struggle emotionally more than the average person. I also know he has his own depression, stress, and personal issues too. But at the same time, I still feel hurt because even at my absolute worst mentally, talking to him never felt draining to me. So emotionally it’s difficult for me to understand why talking to me now seems draining for him.

How do I communicate these feelings without overwhelming him while also not completely ignoring my own emotional needs? And how do you tell the difference between a stressed partner and someone emotionally checking out of the relationship?

i restarted Lithium today after years of not taking it. Per usual I’m extremely thirsty, which I expected, and my throat feels really dry internally, but the stomach cramps oh my God. I’ve never had this before. The cramps are insane, kind of like the weird cramping you get when you’re super hungry or desperately need to go to the bathroom. It just feels really weird. I’m also a little nauseous, but no vomiting or anything else, just really bad nausea and intense stomach cramps. Any tips on how to get rid of it and how to prevent it?

I have a situation with my leasing office that I’m honestly extremely frustrated about, and I’m planning to go speak to them in person tomorrow, but I wanted outside opinions because this entire situation feels ridiculous to me.

Location: Virginia.

Before rent was even due, I had already been trying to contact my leasing office because there was an issue with my resident portal/payment system. Earlier this month, the portal incorrectly attempted to charge an additional $500 from my account. I disputed/reversed that extra amount through my bank because it should not have been taken in the first place, and that reversal is what triggered the “returned payment” issue on my account.

I want to be clear that I proactively contacted the leasing office about this BEFORE rent was due because I already knew the e-check option had become disabled and that I likely would not be able to pay rent the normal online way this month. I explained exactly why the returned payment happened and made it clear that the actual rent itself for the previous month had been paid on time. The returned amount was the excess charge that the portal incorrectly attempted to take, which they should easily be able to verify on their end.

As soon as the e-check option became unavailable, I immediately began emailing and calling the leasing office asking how they wanted me to pay. I explained the entire situation in writing and even said that if they needed a “clean payment” first before re-enabling online payments, I was completely willing to do that. I repeatedly told them I was ready to pay however they preferred.

The issue is that I was basically being ignored up until May 5. I kept calling, emailing, and physically going to the office trying to get answers. Sometimes nobody was there, and other times the employees present could not really help me. I’m busy, I have a life, and this entire process became incredibly time consuming and inconvenient. I was spending 20+ minutes at a time trying to get someone on the phone, leaving voicemails, sending emails, physically visiting the office repeatedly, and still not getting responses back.

Then on May 5, when I finally managed to speak to someone, they acted like they had no idea what I was talking about and claimed they had never received my earlier emails. That honestly irritated me because I absolutely DID send them. At that point I admittedly became a little petty and literally forwarded every previous email back to them to prove I had been contacting them the entire time. They responded directly to the forwarded chain, which clearly showed I had been using the correct email address all along.

The employee I spoke to on May 5 then told me that the person who actually handles these situations was out of office and that he would text them and have them get back to me the following day.

Then on May 6 around midday, the person who supposedly handles these situations finally contacted me and told me that my e-check option had been disabled because of supposedly having four return payments on my account. What frustrated me is that I have lived here for around two years, and some of those supposed “return payments” were not even from this current lease term.

I’m also very sure they KNOW those return payments were not related to me refusing to pay actual rent because I communicate immediately whenever there is a payment issue and explain everything in detail. I’m also very sure they can verify this through their own system because my actual rent itself has consistently been paid within the grace period every month except this current situation, which was directly tied to the portal/payment issue.

According to the lease, management also has discretion to reactivate the e-check option if they believe it’s appropriate, which honestly makes this whole situation even more frustrating to me. Given the fact that my rent history itself has otherwise been consistent and these issues were tied to portal/payment processing problems, I think it was unreasonable that they refused to re-enable it. But even then, I still told them I was completely willing to make a clean payment however they wanted just to resolve the issue.

At that point, I was basically like fine, getting a cashier’s check is a 10-minute process, so I’ll just go do that if that’s what they want. Which is exactly what I did, and I had the cashier’s check physically delivered to them within roughly two hours after our call.

So I immediately went to the bank that same day. My resident portal showed a balance of exactly $2,968.00 on May 6, and I purchased a cashier’s check for that exact amount immediately after they instructed me to. I also have timestamped screenshots showing the balance that appeared on the portal at the time I purchased the check.

I also made sure the payee name on the cashier’s check was correct. I included a memo/reference with my name and apartment number, and when I handed the check to the front desk, I verbally told the employee my apartment number as well. I remember who I handed it to, and I saw him write the apartment number down himself.

By around 2:00–2:30 PM that same day, I physically handed the cashier’s check directly to the front desk at the leasing office. There’s also a camera directly by the office/front desk area. I still have the cashier’s check receipt/customer copy as well.

After that, my portal never updated. Then two days later I suddenly received a Five Day Notice to Pay or Vacate threatening lease termination/eviction proceedings because they claim rent was unpaid.

As soon as I saw the notice, I immediately sent two separate emails. One was to the leasing office itself, and the other was to the designated account/payment issues email. In those emails I explained the entire timeline again, including the portal issue, the returned payment situation, the fact that I had already been trying to contact them before rent was due, the fact that I purchased the cashier’s check based on the exact amount shown on the portal on May 6, and that I physically handed it to the front desk that same day around 2:00–2:30 PM. I also attached photos of the cashier’s check copy/receipt and explained that the payment should be verifiable through the office cameras.

At this point I’m honestly just irritated because I did exactly what they asked me to do. I had already been actively trying to pay before rent was even due, stayed cooperative throughout the entire process, and the same day they requested a cashier’s check, I went and got one and physically delivered it.

I’m also only 19, and at this point it honestly feels like I’m being brushed off or not taken seriously despite the fact that I’ve documented everything and consistently tried to cooperate from the beginning.

Now the amount on the notice is apparently around $264 higher than what I paid, but that’s because the cashier’s check matched the exact balance shown on their portal on May 6 when I purchased it.

At this point, my main concern is whether I would still somehow be responsible for the extra late fees if they eventually locate the cashier’s check and confirm that they received it on May 6 but simply failed to process or log it correctly themselves.

I’m also wondering whether they could realistically continue eviction proceedings if there is camera footage confirming that I physically handed over the cashier’s check on May 6 and if I have documentation showing I complied with their payment instructions.

And lastly, I’m trying to understand what usually happens in situations where a leasing office internally misplaces, delays processing, or fails to properly log a cashier’s check that was physically delivered.

P.S. This is a large corporate property management company, not an individual landlord.

edit 1: first update if anyone cares

so i went downstairs to the leasing office around an hour after they opened because i figured everyone should already be there by then. nope the office was basically empty again. there was only one employee at the front desk and nobody else in the actual offices. while i was waiting, i overheard her on the phone complaining about the property manager apparently never being there and constantly making employees cover for her with last minute notice. honestly that alone explained a lot because this is not even the first time i’ve gone downstairs and found the leasing office basically empty.

anyways i had ALL my documentation ready. screenshots, portal amount with timestamps, cashier’s check copy, customer receipt, original payment instruction emails from when i moved in, everything. i already emailed corporate before going and i’m actively trying to get in contact with the regional manager because honestly even if this payment issue gets resolved i still fully intend on complaining about management and how this property is being handled. the ignored emails, delays, lack of communication, constant absence from the office, and the amount of stress this caused over a cashier’s check i literally already submitted is insane. they have genuinely been wasting my time and showing absolutely no respect for it ever since the staffing changed here. and honestly i already planned on leaving once my lease ends anyway.

i’m also already in contact with lawyers because if corporate doesn’t provide a satisfactory response or properly address this situation, i fully intend on handling this legally.

after waiting a few minutes i finally went up to the desk and asked where the manager was and when she’d be back. i got told she won’t even be in office until monday. mind you today is saturday, i submitted the cashier’s check on the 6th, and the notice says i only have until the 13th. meanwhile apparently nobody there besides her can properly handle the issue, log the check, verify anything, or deal with the notice situation. there’s no assistant manager on site and none of the employees seem to know what’s going on.

then she brought up the “remaining balance” and i immediately clarified that when i submitted rent on the sixth, i already included an extra $100 specifically for the late fee as of that date. i made it very clear i will not be paying additional charges caused by management taking forever to process or log a payment that was already submitted on my end. she said she’d probably let the manager know to remove any extra charges after the sixth. i also told her i’ll be requesting a ledger.

overall i’m honestly just extremely frustrated because i think it’s unbelievably unprofessional for management to be absent for this long without properly informing residents, especially when apparently everything depends on that one person being there. it makes no sense that days on the notice are still counting down while residents can’t even get proper assistance because nobody qualified is actually present in the office.

anyways i’ll update again once corporate responds because at this point i’m genuinely over this entire situation lol