I keep getting injustices towards me and others can get away with it but when I do it its a fucking problem? Haaaa? Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
When am I gonna get my fucking peace huh? What about me huh? You got yours, WHERES MINEEEEEEE
WHY AM I DEALING WITH THIS SHITTTTTTTT
FUUUUUYUYYUUUUUUUUUUHHUUUUYUCK
I WANNA BREAK A CHAIR BUT MY CHAIR IS EXPENSIVE SO ILL MAKE WEIRD FACES YEAH? FUKKKKKKK
Hey. I don't really have anyone to talk to and nobody really cares. Forgive me if this is the wrong place or tag. I've been holding on to these tears for months. I think I deserve to let it out today.
I was a cute kid. Everyone loved me. Most of all, people had very high hopes for me.
I let everyone down in innumerable ways and I will continue to let people down, for it's in my mere nature.
I've always felt like I was a weird weird person, not because I'm different in a negative way, but different in a way that others can't comprehend. Hell! Even I don't know what I'm doing or what I want. I'm on autopilot. My brain wants to do something and I just HAVE to follow it.
I'm socially different. Again, not in a negative way, but in a way that is incompatible with normal human behavior. I'm the most charismatic, funny, motivational, loving, enthusiastic person and yet, I can't keep a friendship for long.
I did talk to my shrinks tho. They said ADHD, OCD, anxiety, depression, and they were super confused if I'm on the spectrum so never got any official diagnosis, so I'd say I don't have that. I guess. Idk.
Yeah it feels so lonely man. I could be in a room full of the best people in the world and yet feel so out of place.
Nothing makes me happy anymore. Nothing excited me anymore. I don't trust people, friends, relationships, officials, parents, etc. Probably cuz I was bullied and heartbroken way too many times.
Yeah I ditched everyone cuz nobody gives a damn and I don't want anyone to pity-friend me. I'll be okay.
There's a famous saying from the peaky blinders which applies very truly to me when its paraphrased and I think I'll keep it close to my heart until I'm in the grave. Hell! I'll even get it written on my tombstone by whoever stays until then.
"I already died that day. Everything else from now, is extra "
I'll keep going until it's naturally my time.
Peace.
PS: go hug that one dude you think feels lonely.