u/harborfromthestorm

My social anxiety looks like the opposite of most people. I get out and talk to people a lot. I often come across as really chill and outgoing. This has helped me make lots of friends and acquaintances, which is awesome, but it doesn't change the way I feel on the inside. I'm still scared. Terrified I won't say the right things. Scared of silence. Always scrambling to make people feel comfortable in conversations. Micromanaging and forcing facial expressions.

My body suffers because of this. Stuff like dry mouth, exhaustion, chills, headaches, and a tight compressed feeling in my solar plexus (I suspect to be repressed emotions.) My face doesn't want to make any expressions a lot of the time, so I fake enthusiasm, laughing, shock, ect.

The advice to "be urself" is so frustrating to me. If I let go of the facade, or if I do what I really feel like doing, I'll go silent and stone-faced, usually because I'm so exhausted from faking it. Also, what if I'm naturally just a really quiet person? Nobody likes that. I love the idea that people should embrace silence, but I truthfully don't think it's very realistic. People are gonna get uncomfortable if I have nothing to say in conversations, or when we're hanging out.

What's also really tricky is that when I flip to being shy and not very sociable, it's hard to get out of it. It just turns into another way to cope.

I know I should be doing exposures like purposeful awkward silences, but I just can't bring myself to do it, because I always think, "No, not this person. I don't want to hurt them or ruin our relationship." Restructuring my thoughts feels pointless because I don't actually believe the thought corrections. As much as I HATE the anxiety and fear, I don't see a way out. People are going to leave if I stop masking. And that might mean just about everyone.

Maybe I really am an extrovert, and my true self is interesting and cool. I still can't get to that version of myself because I would have to be okay with not being sociable or likable. I just don't know what to do, guys. Any advice?

My social anxiety looks like the opposite of most people. I get out and talk to people a lot. I often come across as really chill and outgoing. This has helped me make lots of friends and acquaintances, which is awesome, but it doesn't change the way I feel on the inside. I'm still scared. Terrified I won't say the right things. Scared of silence. Always scrambling to make people feel comfortable in conversations. Micromanaging and forcing facial expressions.

My body suffers because of this. Stuff like dry mouth, exhaustion, chills, headaches, and a tight compressed feeling in my solar plexus (I suspect to be repressed emotions.) My face doesn't want to make any expressions a lot of the time, so I fake enthusiasm, laughing, shock, ect.

The advice to "be urself" is so frustrating to me. If I let go of the facade, or if I do what I really feel like doing, I'll go silent and stone-faced, usually because I'm so exhausted from faking it. Also, what if I'm naturally just a really quiet person? Nobody likes that. I love the idea that people should embrace silence, but I truthfully don't think it's very realistic. People are gonna get uncomfortable if I have nothing to say in conversations, or when we're hanging out.

What's also really tricky is that when I flip to being shy and not very sociable, it's hard to get out of it. It just turns into another way to cope.

I know I should be doing exposures like purposeful awkward silences, but I just can't bring myself to do it, because I always think, "No, not this person. I don't want to hurt them or ruin our relationship." Restructuring my thoughts feels pointless because I don't actually believe the thought corrections. As much as I HATE the anxiety and fear, I don't see a way out. People are going to leave if I stop masking. And that might mean just about everyone.

Maybe I really am an extrovert, and my true self is interesting and cool. I still can't get to that version of myself because I would have to be okay with not being sociable or likable. I just don't know what to do, guys. Any advice? I'm just so tired.