u/filfoden238

20M — struggling both IRL and on apps, need real advice

I’ve got decent social skills. I can talk, I’m funny, and people usually vibe with me. I’d say I’m slightly above average-looking (5’9, nothing crazy but not bad either).

In real life, my problem is I don’t make moves. I overthink, hesitate, and let the moment pass — even when things are going well.

But dating apps haven’t been much better either. Matches are already kinda rare, and even when I do get one, the conversation usually dies fast or feels one-sided. It’s like I can’t build momentum there either.

So now I’m stuck thinking… is it my looks? My texting? Or just fear of rejection showing up in a different way?

For people who’ve been through this — what actually made the difference for you? Was it improving your profile, your conversation skills, or just pushing past the fear and taking more chances?

I’m not socially awkward I can talk, I’m funny, and people usually vibe with me.

I’d say I’m average-looking (around 5’9), nothing crazy but not bad either.

The problem is I don’t approach or make moves in real life, even when I have the chance.

It’s like I overthink everything and end up doing nothing.

So I’m stuck wondering if the issue is my looks… or just my fear of rejection.

What do you think actually matters more in dating these days?