u/dorfmcpumpkin

Im having it rough and not only have you all been so fucking nice to me but also so many of the posts here are just so kind hearted. Its really nice. Been here 2 damn days and it feels like ive found a new friend group

My mood is oscillating between being so happy I could be sick and so depressed that I cant hold onto to any hope. Every day is so so hard. Im so exhausted from struggling. I feel like my meds aren't working anymore I cant live like this day in and day out never knowing if im going to want to die from the moment I wake up or if im actually going to enjoy myself and even if my day starts well it can turn on a dime I am so fucking tired of this I just cant handle this shit is cant keep calling off work i cant keep making my partner worry about me and if ill try to kill myself everything is so fucking hard all the God damn time. Anti depressants aren't doing shit, mood stabilisers aren't doing shit, vyvance isn't doing shit what is happening i feel like im living only in the current instance and do not exist outside of it everything is so fast I cant keep up

i live an active lifestyle my diet is decent enough, sleep is pretty stable at around 7 to 8 hours nightly, no current drug use but i used to smoke weed every so often, i drink very minimally and only in supervised situations due to a history of achohol abuse.
currently taking vyvanse at 30mg, setraline 50mg, oestrogen and progesterone for my transition and i have very recently been started on limotrogine and am taking 12mg daily.
i have been dealing with adhd since childhood, i started self harm in like 6th grade, recently in october last year had 2 suicide attempts and have been in therapy since early highschool mainly focusing on dealing with depressive thoughts. i have had periods of time that i have felt ok but throughout the years i have explained to professionals that i feel a sense of stasis whenever i am experiencing intense emotions, particularly negative ones. i have been swapping between being so elated that i feel like i could honestly be sick just to get a little bit of it out of me to so depressed i am unable to imagine a world in which i find the struggle of day to day life worthwhile at almost the drop of a hat and been unable to pull myself out of whatever state i am in. this has been ongoing for years and often will happen 3 to 4 times a week on average. i do not experience any de-personalization or mania type symptoms and am just at a loss as to what could be going on. i really would appreciate if there is anyone that knows where i could look to help find answers with this. please if more information is required let me know. currently in therapy and no immediate danger, am seeing my psychologist in 2 days and have a good support system around me.

so i have had a look through a few posts here and it seems like my issue hasnt been spoken on.
been able to run the game with fps capped at 60 on high settings with no issues at all. i decided to make a blueprint to house some miners i was planning on laying out to help keep things neat. 5x5 floor, 2m foundation base, a little glass and some double ramps, 2 conveyor splitters an industrial storage unit and 2 mk4 conveyor lifts.
as soon as i tried to load this into my game after saving the blueprint (but before clearing the designer) my fps absolutely vanished and i cant get it to budge past 8 even with dropping the graphics down to their lowest, playing with dlss and any other things i can think of to help, i have very few powered lights in my world and havent seen anything like this before.

i literally last night hit 300 hours and just finished stage 3 of project assembly. anyone got any advice ?