I (24F) moving to Malaysia next fall and want to start practicing my Malay! For context I can fully understand the language but the nuances of speaking I’m still struggling with as well as reading/writing so I feel like texting or talking with someone would help
I (25) F was talking to someone (28M) (both muslim) and we took a pause on things to figure some things out in our own lives and realistically neither of us weren’t in the right places to get to know each other at the initial time. Never really got too in depth with knowing each other yet as to not get emotionally invested before truly knowing it’d work out logistically so we agreed to regroup later with no contact in between. Therefore if we’re both single by a certain time and we’re both in better places then we could revisit getting to know each other. So it’s not like either of us are rushing to get to start anything even though it felt like we were both pretty aligned in a lot of areas and were interested, we chose to be more intentional with how we go about things as to not waste each others time in case getting married down the line wouldn’t work out in some way.
We FaceTimed a couple times, again not personal and he was rly respectful clearly presented to be pretty religious, doesn’t smoke doesn’t drink, doesn’t even swear, and he kinda just yapped a ton about history and what’d it mean to pursue this in a religiously appropriate way and how it’d be best to keep our distance and we did text a couple times kinda just generally on family and a bit about our lives. He also reposts a lot about marriage(wanting to get married and also having the patience to finding “the one” kinda thing) and religious content.
He was pretty good looking and overall never rly overstepped any boundaries in ways that’d be inappropriate maybe even in an over the top way in the sense that even when texting he has all the proper punctuation doesnt use slang and it kinda feels like I’m talking to my boss lolll. Anywho he also seemed like he genuinely is putting in the effort to understand who I am and what I’m going through and was overall a pretty great prospect. He also almost always replied immediately even when he was out and about or had work.
**However…**
I was going through his following and who he follows and I was say close to a third or even a half of his followers and following are girls. Presumably ones he knows bc they’re mutuals and I can tell they’re not related too so I’m assuming friends. And then on another social media platform he follows a bunch of girls, like hijabis or just Muslim, that’re very conventionally attractive and also it’s not like they’re pages with substance per se, with like productivity content or cooking or something but it’s just photos or videos of themselves.
And maybe it’s presumptuous of me to even care because we’re not anything, ***but*** at the end of the day i am seriously considering him for marriage and the fact that he does this is seriously off putting for me. I don’t have a large social media presence whatsoever and even on my spam I don’t follow other guys just to lust over them or because I think they’re good looking bc I think that’s weird like—?? So I can imagine what his algorithm is like and it kinda makes me sick.
It’s not even an insecurity thing bc I know I’m conventionally attractive myself but it’s the fact that I feel like this may tell something about his character that I’m just not picking up yet and I don’t wanna waste my time or efforts on someone that may not appreciate me fully when I know that I could probably find someone else who definitely would.
And how would I even bring it up to him after the break without offending him and would it be overstepping if I did that, ..again considering we have barely even talked yet?
Maybe I should just bring up that it’s a concern and dealbreaker for me and if he isn’t willing to change that then to not continue further? Would that even be worth it? Sorry this was so long 😣