u/dahvievanityhater

sorry, my title sounds so unbelievably immature, i am 19F and am a beginner to all of this. i know that’s a little bit of a late-bloomer but i did not start putting myself out there for dating until now.

i’ve met a guy, who i like. we’re in the very early stages of a new relationship. i am not experienced at all, whilst he is very experienced. i am a high-functioning autistic and barely made it through introducing myself to his mother without being awkward as hell. i’m socially anxious and all this is new to me.

obviously the given answer would be to wait and take it at my own pace, which we are! there is so rush or pushiness from his side which i would just like to clarify.

i’m honestly just asking because i want to be intimate, not even inherently just penetrative sex.

just intimate. my issue is that any sort of intimacy makes me awkward, partly because i’m shy and i don’t exactly know what i’m doing.

essentially, for anyone out there who has advice or maybe was in the same boat as me in the early stages of their ‘firsts,’ please let me know! i hope i don’t sound too silly for this. thank you in advance!

i 19F started dating for the first time in my life because i wanted to break a long pattern of non-autonomy in my life. everyone else had me in a bubble, and i wanted to gain independence and put myself out there, start experimenting and experiencing life as someone my age should do.

i started dating, and at first felt doubts, but connected with the people, and found out i really liked being wanted by other people, until i didn’t.

i hope that doesn’t come off as sounding…heinous, but i don’t mean it in a ‘ran-through’ way. i mean it in an avoidant way. growing up, i was always the outcast because i never cared about boys, why my friends were so mad over relationships, relationship problems, etc. etc. i just didn’t understand all the hassle, why put yourself through it.

i recently started fully seeing a guy, (24M), and honestly he’s like the male version of me. we have similar interests, some overlap in what we like, it’s great. until tonight i just got this awful feeling that this isn’t what i want. i like him, a lot, i don’t know why i’m having these sort of thoughts.

i feel like when i like someone, that IS the novelty for me. not that i want to be rejected, but that when people like me back, it gets ‘too real’ or “icky’ to me. i don’t like having money spent on me, and i don’t like compliments because i can’t handle them nor believe they’re true. i think this obviously paints this in an issue i have to work on myself, like confidence, but im working on that.

my point is, i’ve just been resurfacing old feelings of never really caring for a relationship, the feeling of being liked back, or wanted. at the same time, one of the reasons i started dating was because i felt behind. i was inexperienced for my age, everyone else had experience i don’t have, and at my age, it’s embarrassing. i’m wondering if i just threw myself in the deep end to fit in, or if i’m just overthinking for no reason.

it may be clear to mention i struggle with autism and anxiety. and maybe this could be a way of me trying to ‘mask,’ to ‘fit in,’ i don’t know. i don’t know why i feel this way or why i suddenly want to pull back.