u/cold_hard_crash

i'm a big metalhead and i've been a fan of metal for years, but SOAD has always been a band that stands out for me, but for personal reasons, in the past few months i stopped listening to them and i was really down, depression worsened, drowning in my own sadness with funeral doom and drugs, until today i decided to relisten to mesmerize by SOAD, for some reason, by already the first song, soldier side - intro, i was already feeling way better and the whole album made me feel a sort of happiness i haven't felt in such a long time, i'm just really glad this band exists

we were roommates in a place i lived in briefly, he had the same interests as me, we're both into programming, we're both into metal, i turned into a furry because of him, i finally stopped trying to be more talkative and accepted me being a introvert because of him, i'm not sure if it was because of me because i did mention playing guitar, but he bought a guitar and i helped him, i always loved to hear him talking about tech and i was finally able to finally be myself in front of someone, this is something i was waiting for years, i never had and still don't have a true friend

we got separeted due to circunstances out of my control and i wondered about texting him since i have his number, but of course, my anxiety fucked it up and it took me 3 weeks to even send a "hey, so how are things going?" ...he didn't answer

it's a long story, but i think i have a theory as to why he didn't do so, but i still felt bad about for days, drinking, speeding, smoking almost everyday, and i still am feeling bad about it, i've tried making friends here on reddit, but none of them have come close to the connection i felt with him, i'm convinced, after years of solitude and never being truly loved, being bullied, having "friends" taking advantage of me, etc. that this person is the only one i'm able to get along with, i just don't know what to do anymore...