u/chipmunkpunk6

There is too much context but basically my husband (33M) and I (33F) have been together 11 years, married 6. We have two (1.5/3.5) small children. I have always been pretty extroverted. I like to talk to people and enjoy social situations and often talk to strangers. My in-laws are well-intended, extremely reserved, conservative and quiet. But opposite end of the spectrum from me. They are fine, but they are not people I would be involved with if it weren’t for my husband. They don’t make conversation and like to do the same three activities each time they visit (cornhole, bbq, sit in the backyard). They don’t like to leave the house. They don’t ask my husband or I questions or make conversation and if they do it is extremely surface level. If I ask them a question the answer is almost always “good” or “fine”. They have no interests so it is hard to do anything with them and they never want to do anything but sit at the house even if we invite them out. Both seem to have social anxiety and lots of insecurities. His mom had this way of always drawing attention to herself, for example always complaining of a “tummy ache” or a “head ache” or making some reason people should be worried about her. I don’t really like being around them but have always been more than cordial. I have always sent my mother gifts for Mother’s Day (even though she will not even text me happy Mother’s Day), made special dinners for their birthdays and always tried to make them comfortable when they would visit.

Anyways, my (33F) sister (31F) had a more or less terminal sarcoma she had fought for a year and a half, but ultimately she stopped responding to treatment. As mentioned, I have two kids under 4 and live 4 hours away from my parents and sister (they live together due to her high need of care) which made it hard to see her often. When she went onto hospice, I asked my in-laws to help out with the kids for the week. I dreaded it but I was desperate. They are not great with the kids but they are fine. My husband had missed so much work to care for the kids while I went up to support my family and sister that I asked them so they could help with the kids while he was at work. They would get breaks - Our 3yo does school every day for 3 hours and our 1yo naps. Husband is home by 4. Hard, but manageable. They agreed to help. I had so many crafts and activities lined up for them too.

Well. We got a stomach bug the week before. My daughter and I threw up once or twice and recovered within a day or so. My husband and son threw up several times and were sick for a few days. I let my in-laws know that they would be here before everyone was fully recovered and understood if they had to back out. They said they would come, which I fully expected meant they were going to manage even if they got sick.

Naturally, my MIL is debilitatingly sick within two days. So sick she can’t even get out of bed apparently. My husband left on Friday because it was literally a life or death situation and my FIL wasn’t sick yet. But of course he got sick Saturday and couldn’t get out of bed. I offered to make play dates at friends houses so they could rest, had extra activities prepared in advance, but my MIL said that she was too dizzy to drive or do any of the activities (baking cookies and paper crafts). She literally texted us Saturday morning at 6am “I’m so dizzy I don’t know what to do”. All the while we are with my sister while she is on hospice they are sending texts to my husband complaining: “I haven’t been this sick in 30 years”, “I threw up 17 times”, “we could really use some help”, “I couldn’t even do the craft with (grandson) I felt so terrible”, “it’s probably because my kidneys aren’t functioning well”. My sister was literally dying in front of us. These texts were so distracting and inappropriate. And everyone felt it. My sister even asked why they were doing this now. I was obviously worried about my kids safety so I left Sunday with my husband so I could get my kids and would go back up the following morning. I wouldn’t be able to visit my sister in the hospital with them, but I could at least see her for a little when my parents or her husband came home to shower or eat. I was obviously so mortified and upset, but my last text to my MIL was kind - saying how sorry I was she was so sick and trying to set up the play date she refused. They had no reason to think I was upset.

When we get home my in-laws were acting so weird. Like did not say hi to my husband or I when we walked in. My children immediately jumped on me because it’s the longest I’ve been away from them ( five days) and I sat with them on our living room floor while my in-laws sat and talked on the couch and literally said nothing to me. After five minutes my son wanted a snack so I left the room with my kids to get him one and went to my room to change clothes. My in-laws go outside, and do not come back in until 7:30pm, at which point they say they are going to bed (they normally go to bed around 9:30). When I got out of the shower at 6:30am the next morning they were packed and ready to leave. They normally leave at 10 or 11. My husband was mortified but he had to leave to work. I was fuming. Before I even get the kids up, they tell me they are leaving and I honestly let them have it. I didn’t raise my voice but I was crying telling them how upset I was and struggling with how they are supposed to be my family and did not even ask how I was doing or my sister was doing after she entered hospice. My voice was shaking. I told them they were texting their son they needed help, but my family needed help and their texts were distracting. My mother in law literally interrupted me so many times I had to tell her to stop because it was making me anxious and she said “of course we needed help - I was dying!”. All while knowing I spent the week watching my sister literally die. It was so out of touch. She said I did not make them feel welcome and was not nice enough to them and that her and my FIL noticed I was leaving every room they entered (a blatant lie), again after watching my sister deteriorate towards death for the past week. She said they were almost 70 (they are 66) and too old for this. After she said she was dying, she apologized profusely and said she didn’t mean it and I told her I understood but asked her to please leave. Also, my MIL or FIL never texted or reached out to my parents about my sister passing. Not even an “I’m sorry for your loss”. That was the nail in the coffin for me.

What do I do? My husband gave them some time and called them nearly two months later trying to resolve it. They texted me a passive-aggressive apology and said “Sorry if we hurt your feelings, it wasn’t our intention. We hope we can move forward.” There has been no remorse or understanding. My husband straight up told me they didn’t think they did anything wrong and that it was a “misunderstanding”. Where do we go from here? I called my mother twice to talk about her text and she hasn’t called me back.
Am I wrong for wanting to never see them again? How do I manage my own boundaries and also not make this situation miserable for my husband? They are dead to me. I never want to see them again. But how do I tell my husband this gently?

There is too much context but basically my husband (33M) and I (33F) have been together 11 years, married 6. We have two (1.5/3.5) small children. I have always been pretty extroverted. I like to talk to people and enjoy social situations and often talk to strangers. My in-laws are well-intended, extremely reserved, conservative and quiet. But opposite end of the spectrum from me. They are fine, but they are not people I would be involved with if it weren’t for my husband. They don’t make conversation and like to do the same three activities each time they visit (cornhole, bbq, sit in the backyard). They don’t like to leave the house. They don’t ask my husband or I questions or make conversation and if they do it is extremely surface level. If I ask them a question the answer is almost always “good” or “fine”. They have no interests so it is hard to do anything with them and they never want to do anything but sit at the house even if we invite them out. Both seem to have social anxiety and lots of insecurities. His mom had this way of always drawing attention to herself, for example always complaining of a “tummy ache” or a “head ache” or making some reason people should be worried about her. I don’t really like being around them but have always been more than cordial. I have always sent my mother gifts for Mother’s Day (even though she will not even text me happy Mother’s Day), made special dinners for their birthdays and always tried to make them comfortable when they would visit.

Anyways, my (33F) sister (31F) had a more or less terminal sarcoma she had fought for a year and a half, but ultimately she stopped responding to treatment. As mentioned, I have two kids under 4 and live 4 hours away from my parents and sister (they live together due to her high need of care) which made it hard to see her often. When she went onto hospice, I asked my in-laws to help out with the kids for the week. I dreaded it but I was desperate. They are not great with the kids but they are fine. My husband had missed so much work to care for the kids while I went up to support my family and sister that I asked them so they could help with the kids while he was at work. They would get breaks - Our 3yo does school every day for 3 hours and our 1yo naps. Husband is home by 4. Hard, but manageable. They agreed to help. I had so many crafts and activities lined up for them too.

Well. We got a stomach bug the week before. My daughter and I threw up once or twice and recovered within a day or so. My husband and son threw up several times and were sick for a few days. I let my in-laws know that they would be here before everyone was fully recovered and understood if they had to back out. They said they would come, which I fully expected meant they were going to manage even if they got sick.

Naturally, my MIL is debilitatingly sick within two days. So sick she can’t even get out of bed apparently. My husband left on Friday because it was literally a life or death situation and my FIL wasn’t sick yet. But of course he got sick Saturday and couldn’t get out of bed. I offered to make play dates at friends houses so they could rest, had extra activities prepared in advance, but my MIL said that she was too dizzy to drive or do any of the activities (baking cookies and paper crafts). She literally texted us Saturday morning at 6am “I’m so dizzy I don’t know what to do”. All the while we are with my sister while she is on hospice they are sending texts to my husband complaining: “I haven’t been this sick in 30 years”, “I threw up 17 times”, “we could really use some help”, “I couldn’t even do the craft with (grandson) I felt so terrible”, “it’s probably because my kidneys aren’t functioning well”. My sister was literally dying in front of us. These texts were so distracting and inappropriate. And everyone felt it. My sister even asked why they were doing this now. I was obviously worried about my kids safety so I left Sunday with my husband so I could get my kids and would go back up the following morning. I wouldn’t be able to visit my sister in the hospital with them, but I could at least see her for a little when my parents or her husband came home to shower or eat. I was obviously so mortified and upset, but my last text to my MIL was kind - saying how sorry I was she was so sick and trying to set up the play date she refused. They had no reason to think I was upset.

When we get home my in-laws were acting so weird. Like did not say hi to my husband or I when we walked in. My children immediately jumped on me because it’s the longest I’ve been away from them ( five days) and I sat with them on our living room floor while my in-laws sat and talked on the couch and literally said nothing to me. After five minutes my son wanted a snack so I left the room with my kids to get him one and went to my room to change clothes. My in-laws go outside, and do not come back in until 7:30pm, at which point they say they are going to bed (they normally go to bed around 9:30). When I got out of the shower at 6:30am the next morning they were packed and ready to leave. They normally leave at 10 or 11. My husband was mortified but he had to leave to work. I was fuming. Before I even get the kids up, they tell me they are leaving and I honestly let them have it. I didn’t raise my voice but I was crying telling them how upset I was and struggling with how they are supposed to be my family and did not even ask how I was doing or my sister was doing after she entered hospice. My voice was shaking. I told them they were texting their son they needed help, but my family needed help and their texts were distracting. My mother in law literally interrupted me so many times I had to tell her to stop because it was making me anxious and she said “of course we needed help - I was dying!”. All while knowing I spent the week watching my sister literally die. It was so out of touch. She said I did not make them feel welcome and was not nice enough to them and that her and my FIL noticed I was leaving every room they entered (a blatant lie), again after watching my sister deteriorate towards death for the past week. She said they were almost 70 (they are 66) and too old for this. After she said she was dying, she apologized profusely and said she didn’t mean it and I told her I understood but asked her to please leave. Also, my MIL or FIL never texted or reached out to my parents about my sister passing. Not even an “I’m sorry for your loss”. That was the nail in the coffin for me.

What do I do? My husband gave them some time and called them nearly two months later trying to resolve it. They texted me a passive-aggressive apology and said “Sorry if we hurt your feelings, it wasn’t our intention. We hope we can move forward.” There has been no remorse or understanding. My husband straight up told me they didn’t think they did anything wrong and that it was a “misunderstanding”. Where do we go from here? I called my mother twice to talk about her text and she hasn’t called me back.
Is this justification to never want to see them again? How do I manage my own boundaries and also not make this situation miserable for my husband? They are dead to me. I never want to see them again. But how do I tell my husband this gently?

There is too much context but basically my husband (33M) and I (33F) have been together 11 years, married 6. We have two (1.5/3.5) small children. I have always been pretty extroverted. I like to talk to people and enjoy social situations and often talk to strangers. My in-laws are well-intended, extremely reserved, conservative and quiet. But opposite end of the spectrum from me. They are fine, but they are not people I would be involved with if it weren’t for my husband. They don’t make conversation and like to do the same three activities each time they visit (cornhole, bbq, sit in the backyard). They don’t like to leave the house. They don’t ask my husband or I questions or make conversation and if they do it is extremely surface level. If I ask them a question the answer is almost always “good” or “fine”. They have no interests so it is hard to do anything with them and they never want to do anything but sit at the house even if we invite them out. Both seem to have social anxiety and lots of insecurities. His mom had this way of always drawing attention to herself, for example always complaining of a “tummy ache” or a “head ache” or making some reason people should be worried about her. I don’t really like being around them but have always been more than cordial. I have always sent my mother gifts for Mother’s Day (even though she will not even text me happy Mother’s Day), made special dinners for their birthdays and always tried to make them comfortable when they would visit.

Anyways, my (33F) sister (31F) had a more or less terminal sarcoma she had fought for a year and a half, but ultimately she stopped responding to treatment. As mentioned, I have two kids under 4 and live 4 hours away from my parents and sister (they live together due to her high need of care) which made it hard to see her often. When she went onto hospice, I asked my in-laws to help out with the kids for the week. I dreaded it but I was desperate. They are not great with the kids but they are fine. My husband had missed so much work to care for the kids while I went up to support my family and sister that I asked them so they could help with the kids while he was at work. They would get breaks - Our 3yo does school every day for 3 hours and our 1yo naps. Husband is home by 4. Hard, but manageable. They agreed to help. I had so many crafts and activities lined up for them too.

Well. We got a stomach bug the week before. My daughter and I threw up once or twice and recovered within a day or so. My husband and son threw up several times and were sick for a few days. I let my in-laws know that they would be here before everyone was fully recovered and understood if they had to back out. They said they would come, which I fully expected meant they were going to manage even if they got sick.

Naturally, my MIL is debilitatingly sick within two days. So sick she can’t even get out of bed apparently. My husband left on Friday because it was literally a life or death situation and my FIL wasn’t sick yet. But of course he got sick Saturday and couldn’t get out of bed. I offered to make play dates at friends houses so they could rest, had extra activities prepared in advance, but my MIL said that she was too dizzy to drive or do any of the activities (baking cookies and paper crafts). She literally texted us Saturday morning at 6am “I’m so dizzy I don’t know what to do”. All the while we are with my sister while she is on hospice they are sending texts to my husband complaining: “I haven’t been this sick in 30 years”, “I threw up 17 times”, “we could really use some help”, “I couldn’t even do the craft with (grandson) I felt so terrible”, “it’s probably because my kidneys aren’t functioning well”. My sister was literally dying in front of us. These texts were so distracting and inappropriate. And everyone felt it. My sister even asked why they were doing this now. I was obviously worried about my kids safety so I left Sunday with my husband so I could get my kids and would go back up the following morning. I wouldn’t be able to visit my sister in the hospital with them, but I could at least see her for a little when my parents or her husband came home to shower or eat. I was obviously so mortified and upset, but my last text to my MIL was kind - saying how sorry I was she was so sick and trying to set up the play date she refused. They had no reason to think I was upset.

When we get home my in-laws were acting so weird. Like did not say hi to my husband or I when we walked in. My children immediately jumped on me because it’s the longest I’ve been away from them ( five days) and I sat with them on our living room floor while my in-laws sat and talked on the couch and literally said nothing to me. After five minutes my son wanted a snack so I left the room with my kids to get him one and went to my room to change clothes. My in-laws go outside, and do not come back in until 7:30pm, at which point they say they are going to bed (they normally go to bed around 9:30). When I got out of the shower at 6:30am the next morning they were packed and ready to leave. They normally leave at 10 or 11. My husband was mortified but he had to leave to work. I was fuming. Before I even get the kids up, they tell me they are leaving and I honestly let them have it. I didn’t raise my voice but I was crying telling them how upset I was and struggling with how they are supposed to be my family and did not even ask how I was doing or my sister was doing after she entered hospice. My voice was shaking. I told them they were texting their son they needed help, but my family needed help and their texts were distracting. My mother in law literally interrupted me so many times I had to tell her to stop because it was making me anxious and she said “of course we needed help - I was dying!”. All while knowing I spent the week watching my sister literally die. It was so out of touch. She said I did not make them feel welcome and was not nice enough to them and that her and my FIL noticed I was leaving every room they entered (a blatant lie), again after watching my sister deteriorate towards death for the past week. She said they were almost 70 (they are 66) and too old for this. After she said she was dying, she apologized profusely and said she didn’t mean it and I told her I understood but asked her to please leave. Also, my MIL or FIL never texted or reached out to my parents about my sister passing. Not even an “I’m sorry for your loss”. That was the nail in the coffin for me.

What do I do? My husband gave them some time and called them nearly two months later trying to resolve it. They texted me a passive-aggressive apology and said “Sorry if we hurt your feelings, it wasn’t our intention. We hope we can move forward.” There has been no remorse or understanding. My husband straight up told me they didn’t think they did anything wrong and that it was a “misunderstanding”. Where do we go from here? I called my mother twice to talk about her text and she hasn’t called me back.
Am I wrong for wanting to never see them again? How do I manage my own boundaries and also not make this situation miserable for my husband? They are dead to me. I never want to see them again. But how do I tell my husband this gently?

My (33F) husband (33M) and I get together probably once every two months with a good group of friends. We all have toddlers and we usually “host” because we have the biggest yard for the kids to run around in. I love hosting and I love cooking. The thing is…they almost never bring anything. Even when they ask what to bring and I tell them. It’s supposed to be a potluck style play date but they almost always show up empty handed. We always buy and bbq the meat, provide at least one side and a dessert. All I ask is they bring appetizers or a side and some drinks. One couple brought two bottles of nice wine which was great. The other couple didn’t bring anything.

My problem is we are taking on the all of the cooking, preparation and the mess the kids make, which I don’t mind. But this group drinks a lot. We are going through 7 bottles and providing 5!! of them. It’s expensive lol. I love my friends and lost hosting them, but how do I playfully and politely ask them to bring one bottle of wine per person/ two per couple? I don’t want to sound like a brat and want to continue these dinners, but would like them to contribute too.