u/beetlecum1

Man I just opened Instagram after a week off of it. My email that i use for Google isn't the same fir Instagram and permissions for microphone is off for Instagram app. Tell me why I open reels and every video is describing exactly what I did all week. Like the food I had, the drinks the movies I saw, the this i talked about or did with freinds. No exaduration I had videos about bowling, michael Jackson and the weirdest of all the book I was reading that ive never searched up or texted about. I didn't read them terms and conditions few months ago when i was asked to pay €5 a month for not targeted ads but wtf was that like to pay to not be watched and listened to. A golume anyways this happen anyone else?

I dont think im addicted to anything yet but Im starting to notice patterns snd behaviours ive seen in people im close to who have addiction issues. The last few months i started casually doing a few bumps of coke when drinking. I never used to drink like my freinds before this year (im 21 but Irish so me and everyone i know started drinking at like 12), I have had a lot of mental health issues and am diagnosed bipolar 2 and have been on and off meds for years. Two years ago I had a realy bad manic episode that led to psychosis (alot of doctors said id was due to drugs cuz I did quite a bit of coke and md and hhc, and ik I sound like im in denial but Idk of they are even related cuz even when I dont do any drugs I get episodes ever since i was like 12) and up until like 6 months ago I was honestly left traumatised from doing uppers like md or coke as when I was manic if felt like mdma and coke non stop for 2 months. Where im from they shut down most the night clubs so the only events organised for people for free is outdoor illegal raves and I love the atmosphere of live music but with that comes a big culture of drugs. When I was on meds I couldn't really drink alcohol and I found that coke balanced it out and when I stopped taking meds and starting drinking snd going out more I kept doing coke because its easy to flirt and get shit for free. And honestly Idk if this is me in deninel but I kinda dont think it counts if your not paying for anything. The last 3 months tho have gotten a bit fucked up and I think ive started to notice a reliance of coke to forget about the issues and stress in my life and ive been doing stupid probably humiliating and dangerous stuff to myself to get shit for free. I have to many freinds who are addicted, gone to rehab and n a meetings but always for drugs like ketamine or xanax and I hate them drugs tbh.

I've started buying coke myself the last month and doing it alone befiew meeting people to feel more confident, I am genuinely asking who ever is reading this am I starting to have a problem. I rarely pay to it but every time I drink I some How get some and stay up all night off my head (if im being honest im starting to come down now) . Idk wtf im doing tbh mabey this is a manic episode or some shit cuz ive been out drinking and doing so many drugs for 5 days straight now (im still going to work and shit but I wake up after 4 hours sleep having no idea wat I did the night before). Anyways any advice am I developing an addiction idk like I dont think ive ever had an addiction to substances in the past and all the addicts I know are addicted to downers.

I just got home from a club techno queer night and am very confused. I a 21 year old trans man from the west of Ireland just went to this monthly techno queer event (first time) in the only club left in the city I live in (a rant for another day), i havnt been to many like advertised queer events at all tbh but I really didnt expect what was going on tonight. I go to many techno and rave events indoors (legal/ payee entry) and illegal (outdoor/ free) which normally have a big demographic of all types of people like yup bros and ths queer community. This event is went to I assumed would be like others where everyone is free and enjoying themselves with no shame (I will say I loved that this event had wrist bands saying if you did or didnt want to have you photo taken). I genuinly want to just know (and km not judging anyone for being sober) but why was no one drinking or doing drugs on a Saturday night amd why were all the men straight (btw there was a oiled up wresting match so wtf) like i spoke to everyone, no one smokes (tobacco or weed), does mdma, coke, popers, barely drink like I only saw a few beers or water or even vapes. No judgement but im seriously confused does the Irish queer community not do any drugs or drink at all (btw there was no one doing afters except for a group of the creepy straight guys who were hired to play gay wrestlers and btw were lowkey horrible to me after). There was one or two locals (queer people in there 30w ) that I know from the rave scene who also pointed this out so its not just me who's confused. Mabey its just this generation but im so confused (once again I want to say im not judging) that young people aren't getting fucked up on a Saturday night.

(Sorry if anything is spelt wrong im still a bit fucked up and also dyslexic)

Also im pretty new to going to queer events just because there not many going after alot of clubs closed down but is ot normal for alot staight men to come or be hired to act gay (tbh I dont mind the acting it was a whole performance and lowkey camp as fuck) and i don't mean to be ruid but alot of young queer presenting women sober and stood still judging people for having fun.