Dear Diary,
I always wonder why people tend to be so controlling and overbearing of others? Always want to nitpick how a person dress, behaves, what they eat, their identity, hobbies, career/education choice, etc. Like there’s always a fault just because a person is being their authentic selves. You’re entitled to your opinion and we don’t have to agree/disagree on the same things. Let people be free.
At this point I am fucking tired of everything, everyone and myself! I honestly feel that I shouldn’t exist at all, because I’m nothing but a burden and don’t exist for people at all. I try so hard to do what I can to keep people happy, shit doesn’t work and im always at fault that I am mostly the cause of not keeping friends. For instance, I had a few social apps like bumble, hinge, tinder, etc ok I connected with someone there and we chatted to get to know each other,because I answered about my job as an ABA therapist; she called me abusive and doesn’t want to do anything with me anymore.
Another person end a friendship because I didn’t want to hookup with him and so I am blocked
another person told me they don’t have time these days to text cause they are busy. So i acknowledged that and give the person space; however it’s been long and i finally reached out to do a quick check in and no response. sent messages again but not constantly to seem like im bombarding with messages. ghosted
im already blocked by several people and ghosted by others. the last two relationships I was emotionally and verbally abused by my exes( gaslighted, manipulated, insensitive responses, used,etc).
No texts at all from people. Sure, I try to go out and talk to people; but at this point I don’t know what to do anymore.
why was I even born? I hate myself for even existing and I can’t deal with this fucking torture anymore. I guess I deserve this torture unless, I erase myself from this world and maybe will have peace, be with my father and paternal grandmother.