Hi, so my dad (67) has really neglected his hygiene since I moved out for university. He lives alone with his dog that he really loves, but he has visitors and family around every day. When I come home, he wears dirty sweatpants all the time, even going out to the store in them. He rarely showers and sometimes smells.
The worst part is the bathroom. It’s extremely dirty, there are small pieces of feces on the bathtub, toilet, and floor. He doesn’t defecate on the floor or anything like that, but somehow it ends up spread around in small bits. The carpet in the hallway is soaked with urine from when the dog was younger, and my dad doesn’t want to replace it while the dog is still alive, because he says it doesn’t make sense to change it now given the dog’s age.
What confuses me is that he doesn’t see any problem with this. He’s not embarrassed to invite people into a smelly house or walk around in dirty clothes. At the same time, he is physically and mentally fit, works in an intellectual profession, reads books, uses technology comfortably, and walks 10,000 steps a day. When he goes to work, he wears clean jeans, so I don’t understand the disconnect.
I’ve talked to him about it once, and he seemed embarrassed. Since then, he makes an effort to “clean” the bathroom before I visit, but it’s still not very clean and I end up cleaning it myself. He thinks I’m overly picky rather than seeing his behavior as unhygienic. I do appreciate that he tries for me, but I don’t want this to be something he only does once a month when I visit.
He keeps the kitchen and his own room relatively clean, but the smell in the house and the state of the bathroom don’t seem to bother him at all.
I feel ashamed to invite my partner over, and because of this, they have never been to my family home.
Why doesn’t he see a problem or feel embarrassed? And what can I do?
Hi, so my dad (67) has really neglected his hygiene since I moved out for university. He lives alone with his dog that he really loves, but he has visitors and family around every day. When I come home, he wears dirty sweatpants all the time, even going out to the store in them. He rarely showers and sometimes smells.
The worst part is the bathroom. It’s extremely dirty, there are small pieces of feces on the bathtub, toilet, and floor. He doesn’t defecate on the floor or anything like that, but somehow it ends up spread around in small bits. The carpet in the hallway is soaked with urine from when the dog was younger, and my dad doesn’t want to replace it while the dog is still alive, because he says it doesn’t make sense to change it now given the dog’s age.
What confuses me is that he doesn’t see any problem with this. He’s not embarrassed to invite people into a smelly house or walk around in dirty clothes. At the same time, he is physically and mentally fit, works in an intellectual profession, reads books, uses technology comfortably, and walks 10,000 steps a day. When he goes to work, he wears clean jeans, so I don’t understand the disconnect.
I’ve talked to him about it once, and he seemed embarrassed. Since then, he makes an effort to “clean” the bathroom before I visit, but it’s still not very clean and I end up cleaning it myself. He thinks I’m overly picky rather than seeing his behavior as unhygienic. I do appreciate that he tries for me, but I don’t want this to be something he only does once a month when I visit.
He keeps the kitchen and his own room relatively clean, but the smell in the house and the state of the bathroom don’t seem to bother him at all.
I feel ashamed to invite my partner over, and because of this, they have never been to my family home.
Why doesn’t he see a problem or feel embarrassed? And what can I do?