u/YukonSunset

About Trish when she was seen showing up at the airport: Darcey smiled, cheered, and raised her hands up with joy and said, "She's there!"

About Lisa ending things, after finding out Daniel had a "wife" contact that he denied, Darcey said to the screen: "After all you just went through with cleansing and the uncle and everything, you're going to just throw it all away?"

Even my husband said aloud, regarding her reaction to Trish: "I don't understand. Did she like him with her?" Then when Darcey reacted to Lisa he said, "Is she supposed to stay with him?"

Darcey is very much signaling as if it's a great thing to see the good in everyone, but when she does this, she's literally cheering that abusive men who are narcissists and gaslighting their women like Rick and Daniel are worth fighting to keep.

Some years ago, someone I used to know talked about how wildly great their kids were and how great family life was. Squeaky clean. Perfect life.

*ahem*

That is until one of the kids was in her 20s, old enough to start talking and sharing about what went on behind their closed doors to me. She had brought something up to me as a memory to add to something that we were talking about, which led to more information shared.

I'm talking disasters like one of her siblings breaking a bedroom window, coming home drunk. Another accosting her with drugs when she was not even a teen yet. And more. What the hell? Where is all this when the parents used to talk about the white picket fence life? I said I never knew! She said, "Yeah, they really didn't want anyone to know."

Parents are hiding their family disasters. They won't tell people who are childfree that they've found drugs in their kids' bedroom, illegal shit on their computers, dealing with a kid smacking up the family car for careless driving, pawning off their parents' valuables, teen pregnancy, and loads of other dark secrets. They don't want to admit their kids have/had f*ck-up tendencies because they know it will confirm that we're making a better choice to avoid it.

Have you ever stumbled across these "perfect life" type people who insist children are rewarding, and yet you either knew or found out their lives have been turned upside down because of their children?

Title says it all.

They say we'll have no one to care for us when we're older, but I know that's nonsense. I for one had a CF aunt who I loved to visit and help out. I also helped a neighbour when I realized that she was on her own (up until I moved).

I feel like I see a part of myself in someone elderly who has no children, and I'm happy to do things for them knowing no one else will.

Does anyone else feel more of a pull to help someone elderly who chose the same life that we did?

I don't mind going first! For me it was 99.3 The Fox, "The Fox Rocks!" I loved Larry & Willy in the morning. There was once a hilarious contest where you had to have a creative answering machine message that warranted to be chosen as the best in the city. There were finalists and ultimately a winner. Their format was AOR (Album Oriented Rock).

As for AM Radio, it was Hot Hits LG73. Again, the morning show, called The Morning Zoo consisted of the host Dean Hill, his then-wife Samantha, Graham Hatch, Stu McAllister. Some playing a character of sorts. They had a witty opening theme song at 6am, something from the 50s that was morning-related. Their format was Top 40.

I went to bed at night listening to CFUN playing soft rock on my AM radio sitting on my night table, which was set to Sleep. 60 minutes later, I usually had to set it for another 60 minutes. :)

My mom is a baby boomer, and I remember when I was around 12/13, she told me that I'd someday feel a pull to my childhood times, missing things I had or music I once listened to, etc. At that age, I didn't get it. I just wanted to be an adult.

But I never forgot that strange premonition, and now here we are, and she was right.

I was born in 1974, and it's been hitting me really hard in the last couple of years. I've been scrambling on eBay to find lost items to once again own, watching old TV shows I used to love from the 70s/80s. Compiling playlists to shuffle/repeat. I even went on TOMT on Reddit to find an old childhood fairytale book (found, and obtained with success!).

I know my mom went through something similar with her Boomer nostalgia, and it seems I've now been hit with my own generational pull to relive the memories again.

Is anyone else feeling like this lately?

Has anyone else been made to feel like not having children was supposed to be made as a weapon to hurt you?

I'll give an example that stuck with me for a long time:

Many years ago, I had a narcissistic, abusive ex-boyfriend who at the time had a very young child, with custody on weekends. His child was a brat, and he was a terrible 2-day-a-week father. He often pestered me about my childfreeness, trying to talk me into having a baby with him. I'd push back and refuse, which for a narcissist made him irate.

But he tried making things cozy so that I might be interested in raising his son with him. He went as far as to wish death on his ex, and say that he wanted me to replace her as the "biological" mother, hoping we'd raise Little Idiot together. I swiftly refused that too. I said the boy already has a mother, and I championed for her involvement with him, and said I'd merely be a supportive person in the scenario.

When I broke it off, it was because of his abuse as a narcissist. But as a lot of people know, narcissists can't be broken up with peacefully. This one had to send shock waves in retaliation.

One of his last parting shots to me was: "At least I have my son. Something you'll never know what that's like."

The actual words were stupid. Being childfree-by-choice means I understand the logic of not having a child and as a choice understand that I'm readily forgoing the experience [without regret].

But he didn't say it that way. He said those words with the intention to hurt me, as if my childfreeness was sensitive to me, and contingent based on circumstance. I never gave that impression, but he tried to create it as such, or get into my head that it could be created as such.

I brushed it off, but will never forget that he the intent was there to use my childfreeness to turn it around as something to hurt me with.

Has anyone else experienced a situation where in the heat of an argument someone tried to get into your head that your childfree decision is used to try to hurt you? Or tried to make you feel like it's a good thing you're not going to be someone's parent simply because they're having a knee-jerk reaction against you — instead of the fact that it's your choice and your standards that you've set for yourself?

What on earth was with Rachel being so weird when she kept talking to Ian about his ex-wife?

I get it. She wanted him to talk about his feelings, and not let him feel that he had to suppress them. But she wouldn't stop.

"I know thee loved Emily. Don't be afraid to speak of her."
"If she was beautiful, you may say so."
"Why should you not think of her. She was the mother of thy children. A woman who shared thy bed, thy body." (Okay that went too far.)

The way it was going, I thought she was going to carry on and say:
"Was she good in bed? If she was, please remember it fondly."
"Does thy wish thy could still touch her?"
"If thy thinks of her while thy is with me, I understand."

Rachel was way too easy going about this for someone claiming to be jealous. For a minute there I thought she was just going to up and encourage him to get back together with her.