u/Wonderful-Product437

My first and relationship I was in, ended 8 years ago. I’ve been single ever since. 

It’s occurred to me that all things romantic and sexual feel really far out of my comfort zone. This is partly to do with demi/on the asexual spectrum, I realise. I feel sick and uncomfortable when I find out that someone likes me sexually or romantically. I also feel uncomfortable when anyone flirts with me. I feel an urge to put a hard, immediate stop to it and to get out of the situation. 

I’m honestly okay with the way I am - but it can be tricky in a world where such an emphasis is placed on romantic relationships, and being sexual. People seem to assume I’m upset about being single, and people sometimes suggest I try dating but again, it’s a no lol. The idea of using a dating app, or going to a “dating” event makes me feel sick. It’s just not for me. The only thing that feels comfortable to me is meeting organically and letting things happen as what feels natural to me - that’s what has happened every time I’ve had a crush on someone. 

This was mainly a vent haha. 

edit: also, it’s so tricky because sometimes I’ve agreed to hang out with a member of the opposite gender, thinking that we’re just hanging out as friends, or just ordinary people getting to know each other. Then it occurs to me that they “like” me and I feel nauseous and as though I’ve “led them on” and given them the wrong idea when in reality, I was just oblivious. But hey, that’s a post for another day lol

I’m not diagnosed ASD but I kind of suspect that I may have it. 

Something I’ve always struggled with is self doubt - a tendency to assume that I’m in the wrong, that I’m overreacting, that I’ve misread the situation etc. 

I’ve had situations in work and living places where a person will seem very critical of small things I’m doing (or not doing), and I will respond by blaming myself and beating myself up a la “ugh, I need to get better”. But then sometimes outsiders witnessing it will point out that the “helpful” person is actually being rude to me, or is being too picky, or is even bullying me. 

So I guess my question is, when you’re someone that struggles with self doubt, how do you differentiate between genuine feedback in a work/living situation, and someone being overly picky and critical towards you? I do somewhat use my gut instinct. If my gut’s telling me that someone is unsafe, or if I feel super bad around someone, that feeling is usually correct and the person is being unfair. But I still doubt myself.