u/WestQueen

Returning to work part time query

Just looking for experiences/advice from anyone who’s been through something similar returning from maternity leave .

I’m due back to work next month and requested a four-day week, with one day per week taken as parental leave due to childcare arrangements. We have childcare for four days only.

I submitted a formal written request and my manager has verbally come back to say it’s been declined after discussions internally. They did suggest I could instead use one day of annual leave per week.

What I’m finding confusing is that other colleagues in the company have been facilitated with part-time hours/flexible arrangements, including taking one day per week in this way.

I’m trying to understand:

- has anyone else had a request like this refused?

- were you able to take parental leave in this way?

- and generally how flexible were employers when returning from maternity leave?

Just genuinely trying to understand what’s normal and what options people found worked for them.

Thanks 🙂

11.5 month old baby girl, healthy, active, social, crawling/pulling to stand/climbing, currently teething. Sleep has become extremely difficult over the last few weeks and we are completely exhausted and looking for advice.

History:

- She used to be able to fall asleep independently at times throughout infancy.

- Day naps are usually much easier than bedtime.

- Recently bedtime became a 2–3 hour battle every night.

- Main issue is once placed in the cot she immediately:

- rolls

- crawls

- pulls to stand

- hangs off the cot

- treats the cot like a play gym

- If we try to soothe in the cot she gets more stimulated/wired.

- If we repeatedly lie her back down it becomes a game.

- If we leave the room she cries/escalates.

- We are NOT willing to do cry-it-out.

What we’ve tried:

- Putting down awake

- “Drowsy but awake”

- Sitting beside cot singing

- Patting/shushing in cot

- Letting her roll around and settle herself

- Repeatedly lying her back down

- Rocking/walking/singing until sleepy

- Short consistent bedtime routine (bath, bottle, books)

- Earlier bedtime

- Adjusting naps

- Capping naps

- Leaving room

Current schedule:

- Wake: usually 6–6:30am (we stopped resettling after early morning wakes because it pushed naps too late)

- Nap 1: around 9:30am

- Nap 2: early afternoon

- We were previously letting first nap go 2 hours but now cap it around 1h15–1h30

- Second nap usually capped around 45 mins–1 hour

- Wake windows generally around 3–4 hours

Current situation:

- She often seems exhausted (eyes closing, rubbing eyes) but still physically fights sleep.

- She now often resists rocking/holding too.

- Sometimes she will fall asleep in 15 mins, other times naps/bedtime take 40 mins–3 hours.

- We are spending huge amounts of time bent over the cot singing/shushing and our backs are wrecked.

- She has also started waking more frequently at night.

- Early evening “false starts” happen sometimes (waking shortly after bedtime).

Important context:

- She is very active developmentally right now (climbing/standing constantly).

- She is teething (top teeth recently erupting).

- Feeding is a bit picky at the moment too.

- She is otherwise healthy, happy, attached, playful and developing well.

Main questions:

1. Is this level of sleep resistance normal at 11–12 months?
2. Does this sound overtired, undertired, separation anxiety, developmental, schedule-related, or something else?
3. Should we persist with cot settling or fully assist to sleep for now?
4. Has anyone else had a baby who physically could not switch off despite being exhausted?
5. Any realistic advice that does not involve cry-it-out?

11.5 month old baby girl, healthy, active, social, crawling/pulling to stand/climbing, currently teething. Sleep has become extremely difficult over the last few weeks and we are completely exhausted and looking for advice.

History:

- She used to be able to fall asleep independently at times throughout infancy.

- Day naps are usually much easier than bedtime.

- Recently bedtime became a 2–3 hour battle every night.

- Main issue is once placed in the cot she immediately:

- rolls

- crawls

- pulls to stand

- hangs off the cot

- treats the cot like a play gym

- If we try to soothe in the cot she gets more stimulated/wired.

- If we repeatedly lie her back down it becomes a game.

- If we leave the room she cries/escalates.

- We are NOT willing to do cry-it-out.

What we’ve tried:

- Putting down awake

- “Drowsy but awake”

- Sitting beside cot singing

- Patting/shushing in cot

- Letting her roll around and settle herself

- Repeatedly lying her back down

- Rocking/walking/singing until sleepy

- Short consistent bedtime routine (bath, bottle, books)

- Earlier bedtime

- Adjusting naps

- Capping naps

- Leaving room

Current schedule:

- Wake: usually 6–6:30am (we stopped resettling after early morning wakes because it pushed naps too late)

- Nap 1: around 9:30am

- Nap 2: early afternoon

- We were previously letting first nap go 2 hours but now cap it around 1h15–1h30

- Second nap usually capped around 45 mins–1 hour

- Wake windows generally around 3–4 hours

Current situation:

- She often seems exhausted (eyes closing, rubbing eyes) but still physically fights sleep.

- She now often resists rocking/holding too.

- Sometimes she will fall asleep in 15 mins, other times naps/bedtime take 40 mins–3 hours.

- We are spending huge amounts of time bent over the cot singing/shushing and our backs are wrecked.

- She has also started waking more frequently at night.

- Early evening “false starts” happen sometimes (waking shortly after bedtime).

Important context:

- She is very active developmentally right now (climbing/standing constantly).

- She is teething (top teeth recently erupting).

- Feeding is a bit picky at the moment too.

- She is otherwise healthy, happy, attached, playful and developing well.

Main questions:

1. Is this level of sleep resistance normal at 11–12 months?

2. Does this sound overtired, undertired, separation anxiety, developmental, schedule-related, or something else?

3. Should we persist with cot settling or fully assist to sleep for now?

4. Has anyone else had a baby who physically could not switch off despite being exhausted?

5. Any realistic advice that does not involve cry-it-out?

11.5 month old baby girl, healthy, active, social, crawling/pulling to stand/climbing, currently teething. Sleep has become extremely difficult over the last few weeks and we are completely exhausted and looking for advice.

History:

- She used to be able to fall asleep independently at times throughout infancy.

- Day naps are usually much easier than bedtime.

- Recently bedtime became a 2–3 hour battle every night.

- Main issue is once placed in the cot she immediately:

- rolls

- crawls

- pulls to stand

- hangs off the cot

- treats the cot like a play gym

- If we try to soothe in the cot she gets more stimulated/wired.

- If we repeatedly lie her back down it becomes a game.

- If we leave the room she cries/escalates.

- We are NOT willing to do cry-it-out.

What we’ve tried:

- Putting down awake

- “Drowsy but awake”

- Sitting beside cot singing

- Patting/shushing in cot

- Letting her roll around and settle herself

- Repeatedly lying her back down

- Rocking/walking/singing until sleepy

- Short consistent bedtime routine (bath, bottle, books)

- Earlier bedtime

- Adjusting naps

- Capping naps

- Leaving room

Current schedule:

- Wake: usually 6–6:30am (we stopped resettling after early morning wakes because it pushed naps too late)

- Nap 1: around 9:30am

- Nap 2: early afternoon

- We were previously letting first nap go 2 hours but now cap it around 1h15–1h30

- Second nap usually capped around 45 mins–1 hour

- Wake windows generally around 3–4 hours

Current situation:

- She often seems exhausted (eyes closing, rubbing eyes) but still physically fights sleep.

- She now often resists rocking/holding too.

- Sometimes she will fall asleep in 15 mins, other times naps/bedtime take 40 mins–3 hours.

- We are spending huge amounts of time bent over the cot singing/shushing and our backs are wrecked.

- She has also started waking more frequently at night.

- Early evening “false starts” happen sometimes (waking shortly after bedtime).

Important context:

- She is very active developmentally right now (climbing/standing constantly).

- She is teething (top teeth recently erupting).

- Feeding is a bit picky at the moment too.

- She is otherwise healthy, happy, attached, playful and developing well.

Main questions:

1. Is this level of sleep resistance normal at 11–12 months?

2. Does this sound overtired, undertired, separation anxiety, developmental, schedule-related, or something else?

3. Should we persist with cot settling or fully assist to sleep for now?

4. Has anyone else had a baby who physically could not switch off despite being exhausted?

5. Any realistic advice that does not involve cry-it-out?

11.5 month old baby girl, healthy, active, social, crawling/pulling to stand/climbing, currently teething. Sleep has become extremely difficult over the last few weeks and we are completely exhausted and looking for advice.

History:

- She used to be able to fall asleep independently at times throughout infancy.

- Day naps are usually much easier than bedtime.

- Recently bedtime became a 2–3 hour battle every night.

- Main issue is once placed in the cot she immediately:

- rolls

- crawls

- pulls to stand

- hangs off the cot

- treats the cot like a play gym

- If we try to soothe in the cot she gets more stimulated/wired.

- If we repeatedly lie her back down it becomes a game.

- If we leave the room she cries/escalates.

- We are NOT willing to do cry-it-out.

What we’ve tried:

- Putting down awake

- “Drowsy but awake”

- Sitting beside cot singing

- Patting/shushing in cot

- Letting her roll around and settle herself

- Repeatedly lying her back down

- Rocking/walking/singing until sleepy

- Short consistent bedtime routine (bath, bottle, books)

- Earlier bedtime

- Adjusting naps

- Capping naps

- Leaving room

Current schedule:

- Wake: usually 6–6:30am (we stopped resettling after early morning wakes because it pushed naps too late)

- Nap 1: around 9:30am

- Nap 2: early afternoon

- We were previously letting first nap go 2 hours but now cap it around 1h15–1h30

- Second nap usually capped around 45 mins–1 hour

- Wake windows generally around 3–4 hours

Current situation:

- She often seems exhausted (eyes closing, rubbing eyes) but still physically fights sleep.

- She now often resists rocking/holding too.

- Sometimes she will fall asleep in 15 mins, other times naps/bedtime take 40 mins–3 hours.

- We are spending huge amounts of time bent over the cot singing/shushing and our backs are wrecked.

- She has also started waking more frequently at night.

- Early evening “false starts” happen sometimes (waking shortly after bedtime).

Important context:

- She is very active developmentally right now (climbing/standing constantly).

- She is teething (top teeth recently erupting).

- Feeding is a bit picky at the moment too.

- She is otherwise healthy, happy, attached, playful and developing well.

Main questions:

1. Is this level of sleep resistance normal at 11–12 months?

2. Does this sound overtired, undertired, separation anxiety, developmental, schedule-related, or something else?

3. Should we persist with cot settling or fully assist to sleep for now?

4. Has anyone else had a baby who physically could not switch off despite being exhausted?

5. Any realistic advice that does not involve cry-it-out?