u/VintageValkyrie817

Me and my bf split a week ago and before we split he was blowing me off every night without so much as a text to cancel plans. There were a few days he did cancel with me tho. Turned out he was spending time with another girl which he claimed he had no interest in and all he was doing was sorting pokemon cards with her to sell. He lied to me about who he was with, where he was and what he was doing and he was always there for hours without any contact with me. He admitted that he was with her after the first night he stood me up and we had a talk and he agreed no more lies, no more seeing this girl and he'd stay more in touch with me. He stood me up the next night and lied again. Few days later we had plans to spend the evening together and he cancelled on me in the afternoon but still wanted me to spend the night when he was home. He messaged when home and I replied and then he went silent. I found out a couple hours later that this other woman had been with him all day and he had cancelled plans with me to take her to the city and lied to me saying he was alone. My friend saw him dropping her off with groceries just around the time he messaged me saying he was home. I went over and we got into a huge fight and he admitted that he had seen her a few others times in between as well and then he broke up with me. The whole time this was going on he denied that anything was happening between them and said it was all about making money with these cards. The day after we broke up he went to her house and was with her every day and night for 5 days straight and he completely stopped messaging me and taking calls from me. Ghosted! He still says nothing is happening and there is no interest there. Am I right in assuming he's lying to me? And that there is something between them?

I was wondering if anyone could maybe give me some ideas on things I could do when I feel the urge to self harm so that I can catch myself and intercept before I reach the point of no return? Self harm usually comes with feeling pain or sadness. I do it to release hurt.

It's been 5 whole days since you broke it off with me and there are no words to describe the agony I am in. My mind is consumed with thoughts of you and her. My stomach sick and hurting. My chest is heavy and my heart physically aches. All I can do is cry and cry and cry. You have been with her since the day you left, without missing a moment and I am crushed. Wasn't I good to you? Didn't I love you the way you wanted me to? I believed you loved me. I trusted that you wanted to build a life with me and then in she came and out you went, just like that. Now I am lost, drowning in a sea of sadness and all I want is to see your face one last time before I go under. I didn't deserve this. Didn't deserve your coldness or your cruelty or your lies and I didn't think it would ever come to that. You took all the pain I showed you I had endured and you recreated it for me. That's the worst kind of pain one can ever suffer. I will always love you and I will always miss you. I wish that I had been enough for you.

3 days ago my FP broke up with me after a week and a half of blowing me off and cancelling plans with me almost every day so he could spend time with another girl who he claimed he had no interest in. However he was lying to me about seeing her and where he was and who he was with even after he said he would stop after the first 3 times he blew me off and got busted. He made plans to continue to see her behind my back and was planning to continue to lie to my face about it all. Tuesday he cancelled our dinner and aa meeting plans and then ghosted me after telling me he wanted me to spend the night and let me know he was home after hours of phone silence. My gf came over and let it slip that she had seen my bf dropping off this other girl and that they had been together all day when he had told me he was alone and wanted to enjoy some alone time in the city. I saw red. I went over to his raging mad and I lost my mind on him because I was extremely hurt and mad as hell. It was an intense argument in which he tried to blame me for his need to lie as I was such a spazz about things. He had zero accountability. Anyways, needless to say that was the end of our relationship. He's an avoidant and claimed I traumatized him with my out of control emotions and rage episode. I think I was in the right personally and had good reason to feel the way I did and to be furious. We talked about things the day after this happened and he said he hoped I didn't walk out of his altogether as he wanted us to be friends and be there for each other etc still. Last night he was at a party with this girl and some friends and living his life like there wasn't a damn thing wrong and my absence in his life didn't phase him a bit while I sat at home and still sit at home barely being able to hold it together. I'm struggling with my abandonment issues. My heart aches and my chest feels heavy, like someone is sitting on it. My stomach hurts and I feel so sick. My tears are endless and seem to come on over nothing significant. I feel like I'm dying inside and I can't seem to stop reaching out to him only to get the silent treatment and to not have him even bother to read my messages. I know I should stop for my own good but I can't seem to stop. The more time that passes the more I panic and try to get him to answer me. It's been 31 hours without a single word and I feel like my whole world is collapsing around me and the world inside of me has already collapsed and shattered into millions of tiny pieces. I'm going through absolute hell and agony and I swear to God I'd rather be dead then feel this way. Anyone got any good advice or some tips for me to help me get through this chaos?!