u/Vera_Vicious

I fucking did it. It took me three years, blood, sweat, tears, a mental breakdown, sacrifices, more tears, and thousands of dollars later I did it. I graduated mortuary school.

Yes, mortuary school is a two year degree, but I had a baby in the middle and that set me back much more than I actually thought it would. Mortuary school on its own is brutal, but all the obstacles that were placed in my way made it 10x worse. I have been severely sexually harassed, older women in the industry see a capable, beautiful, 20 something year old woman walk onto the scene and immediately have to try to shut me out, I’ve been expected to (and did) work for free for months, I’ve been used as a scape goat, had so many insane barriers placed in my way in attempts to push me out of the industry and have had impossible expectations (for others) placed on me. I’ve been treated like hot dog shit by employers, people (men and women, almost exclusively people that haven’t ever met me or those that work at the establishment that they “need” to protect) in the industry of accusing me of being a liar when I was sexually harassed, I have been picked apart from what my income level was when I started in this industry, my hair, my makeup, the clothes I wore (I bought my first suit from the men’s section in goodwill because that’s all I could afford and all that I could find in a pinch).

I made them eat their words, families love me, I’m top of my class, and I’ve been offered a new opportunity at a funeral home run by a major leader and decision maker in my state and other reliable sources/trustworthy leaders in the industry have told me I’m having the opportunity of a life time served to me on a silver platter.

I’m so relieved, but I’m also so angry about how I’ve been treated in this industry. It seriously is ridiculous all the women that feel the need to pull the ladder up behind them, find out you’re capable and have to get rid of you, and the gross men in the industry that are in positions of authority over you feeling entitled to you because they’re in charge of you.

I don’t view success as a limited resource, we need to make the table longer, NOT SHORTER, and those that disagree can get out of my way while I build a bigger table.

It’s not a secret that the industry is experiencing change like it’s never seen before. Almost 80% of newly enrolled students are women and the men that have been in this industry their whole lives don’t know what to do with themselves. At the same time, the women that came before me have little to no interest in making room for the overwhelming influx of women coming into the field.

A whole lot of shit happened between Point A and Point B, but long story short I was vindicated and a lot of people realized I was used as a scape goat, I show up, after I lost 80lbs (I was so angry about a bunch of shit that happened to me I started working out like a lunatic) and wearing the nicest suits in the building because I had to return to my previous field of work (which pays significantly higher than what I make in funeral service).

Final note, THIS WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN POSSIBLE WITHOUT MY HUSBAND!! I told him at the beginning of this, do not become a hinderance or an obstacle. If you do I will move you out of my way. Because of how the industry is, as a mother, you get so much shit for missing work because of your kids and between both of my jobs, I make more money than he does. I told him “Kids are sick? You call out. Doctor’s appointments? You miss work. I have two jobs and I’m a full time student. You’re the primary parent. If I’m going to do it all alone, then I’ll do it all alone. Otherwise, keep up or get out of the way”
I haven’t done dishes in months. I haven’t done laundry in months (albeit he doesn’t do my laundry either, I do dry clean only), he takes the kids to school and I get them dressed, he cooks, he cleans, he’s the primary parent, so I could these bags and be a full time student. He managed the house so I could be Do It All Barbie.

If you’re a woman with children going into this field your employer will place bets on how long it will be before you call out, they will count the days you call out, and if you tell them you are the primary parent in your interview they’ll most likely not even think twice about not giving you a chance after you walk out the door. If you’re married with children you have to be able to put your foot down with your partner and say you have to take my profession seriously or I will seriously move you out of my way. This field is BRUTAL. You don’t only need nerves of steel and an iron stomach, but you need mental fortitude the like of which the majority of the population couldn’t fathom.

I did it. I embalmed, I directed, I delegated, I supported, I worked, I cried, but I did it.

Pictured: prosecco with white grape + white cran/strawberry juice
Strawberries
Ghirardelli dark chocolate raspberry cream chocolates