u/ToeNo6469

So I'm a 45M and wife is a 44F and we had been married for about 3 years. During this time I had a bad drug addiction and she had been dealing with it for 4.5 years now and didn't want her son who was 10y old boy at the time to see me fucked up and passed out all the time. So she got scared and goes to colorado with her son and our dog for 6 months before coming back to stay at her parents house. During this 6 month break we still remained married as she said she needed time to think about what to do, she didn't want to divorce me right away she wanted me to wake up and get clean. Well she was in colorado about 2 months in she ended up sleeping with an old friend who lived out there one time, she said she immediately regretted it and felt horrible and disgusting in her self. For the next year and a half once she moved back to oregon about an hour north of me we would see each other once a month so she could see my progress which we were sexually active during also . Well I finally get clean and move back in with her at her parents house until we can save up enough for us and the child to move out again and after 2 months of me staying with her and remaining clean one day she came clean to me . She said she thought our marriage was done and we were going to divorce which we had papers signed even just she hadn't turned them in. She said once I got clean she knew she had to tell me now so she did, she explained they had sex once which she said she didn't even enjoy cause she felt horrible the whole time and immediately left and deleted his number and hasn't talked to him since . She also came clean to me, I mean I had my suspicions and would make comments but ultimately she came out and just told me on her own accord . So after she tells me all this she apologized for fucking up and said she wants us to reconcile and stay married and she's willing to do anything I ask of her to prove I can trust her again. She offered to tell her parents and mine, to go to MC or therapy, to have me track her phone and such. It's been a week now since she told me, I told her I wanted to reconcile because I still loved her and thought well in only happened once, and she came to me to confess so that says a lot at least to me it does. I'm trying to work things out so far, we had sex once since all this and she's given me at least 5 blowjobs since then, I just haven't been able to kiss her like I used to yet. I can give her pecks on the lips or top of the head or cheek but no French kissing yet , she feels dirty to me still that way but I'm trying to work through it all. What should I do?? Do I stay and hope it all gets better? Do I file for divorce? I really want to try to work things out since she came to me and confessed and this was only a 1 time event, it's not like this went on for 2 months or anything so the reconciliation seems valid and I honestly feel she only wants me. Any advice would help thanks in advance!

So I'm a 45M and wife is a 44F and we had been married for about 3 years. During this time I had a bad drug addiction and she had been dealing with it for 4.5 years now and didn't want her son who was 10y old boy at the time to see me fucked up and passed out all the time. So she got scared and goes to colorado with her son and our dog for 6 months before coming back to stay at her parents house. During this 6 month break we still remained married as she said she needed time to think about what to do, she didn't want to divorce me right away she wanted me to wake up and get clean. Well she was in colorado about 2 months in she ended up sleeping with an old friend who lived out there one time, she said she immediately regretted it and felt horrible and disgusting in her self. For the next year and a half once she moved back to oregon about an hour north of me we would see each other once a month so she could see my progress which we were sexually active during also . Well I finally get clean and move back in with her at her parents house until we can save up enough for us and the child to move out again and after 2 months of me staying with her and remaining clean one day she came clean to me . She said she thought our marriage was done and we were going to divorce which we had papers signed even just she hadn't turned them in. She said once I got clean she knew she had to tell me now so she did, she explained they had sex once which she said she didn't even enjoy cause she felt horrible the whole time and immediately left and deleted his number and hasn't talked to him since . She also came clean to me, I mean I had my suspicions and would make comments but ultimately she came out and just told me on her own accord . So after she tells me all this she apologized for fucking up and said she wants us to reconcile and stay married and she's willing to do anything I ask of her to prove I can trust her again. She offered to tell her parents and mine, to go to MC or therapy, to have me track her phone and such. It's been a week now since she told me, I told her I wanted to reconcile because I still loved her and thought well in only happened once, and she came to me to confess so that says a lot at least to me it does. I'm trying to work things out so far, we had sex once since all this and she's given me at least 5 blowjobs since then, I just haven't been able to kiss her like I used to yet. I can give her pecks on the lips or top of the head or cheek but no French kissing yet , she feels dirty to me still that way but I'm trying to work through it all. What should I do?? Do I stay and hope it all gets better? Do I file for divorce? I really want to try to work things out since she came to me and confessed and this was only a 1 time event, it's not like this went on for 2 months or anything so the reconciliation seems valid and I honestly feel she only wants me. Any advice would help thanks in advance!