I think im a "retard"
I kept everything the same and only turned it into a cleaner paragraph format so people on Reddit will actually read it easier.
I cant speak proper english even though its all ive spoken for 16 years i never went to school past 6th grade and if i did i skipped literally 95% of the school year i was coming around once every 2 weeks so they wouldnt even kick me out of the school and i didnt go so much they kicked me out like 8 times and i had to go back with my parents to enroll myself back. Cause of covid i also didnt go to school 3rd-5th grade and barley came end of 5th i dont even remember pre k to 3rd cause i was fucking around like a idiot. I dont know how to read the best i literally just know basic words im addicted to multiple things which are so henious and sound so disgusting that i dont think i want to mention but its very beatable, still in other words a disgusting addict shit my life was never on the right path to begin with.
Ive never even had friends dawg they were always fake and now are my opps which want to deadass hurt me and was making me consisider getting a gun underage which im reconsidering as i posted on another subreddit and they were calling me out for writing a paragraph like a retard which is just like fuck man i cant even blame those guys im gonna use chatgpt to make this shit into a fucking nice paragraph so you dont overlook my post cause you wont read something that looks like a dumbass wrote it.
My knowledge and social skills are non existent like absolutely 0 when i talk to somebody whos not a fucking retard it somehow ends up in awkward silence then the conversation just ends with a nice to meet you and thats only in public. My whole 8th-9th grade years i didnt even go i dont know what the fuck im doing with my life and my only goal is the nfl which i know is hard as shit and other then that probably real estate which i have to actually go to school for.
Only thing im good at is like knowledge about the gym and trying to improve mysef because i hate myself so much i dont want people to even see me im so embarrassed of my own existence and i wished i was never born and after getting pasted a big large portion of my life of “just fucking kill me” “please God take me back to when i was a kid” “i wanna die so bad” “why the fuck was i even born” to now where i want to live and just get my shit back together because fuck i dont know if there really is a God or if i just talk to the sileince in my room but fuck theres too much free will in this country to not do something with my life.
I have hope and only hope and myself in this world my father is a pussy just a deadbeat makes my mom work all day stays in bed watches tv shows talking about “im a kid” sleeps in the fucking bathroom talks crazy shit about “people follow me and they want me in a wheelchair” the guy buys fucking rv cars and rc tanks is just a retard whos crazy he talks about the most insane shit and i ask him reasonable questions and he just ducks the fucking question at the end like fuck he doesnt want to be a father at all i wanna go start a new family a new last name a new first one i wanna get the fuck out of this shit hole i was born in.
But gosh man im literally brain dead with knowledge i havent learned shit i dont even know manners i dont know how to eat properly with people i dont know how to talk with people properly and all i like is fighting and physical sports which after a period of just wanting to die and quitting everything im weak as fuck im a scrawny ass 5'8 guy not a pussy but just weak as a bitch. Im getting into the gym again today and planing on keeping it consistent but shit dawg how the fuck do i get my shit together??