u/The_Griffin_Lord

The conversation started on this subreddit on Saturday and this is what happened after I confronted her.

I (M23) met my girlfriend (F23) while I was in college and we had been dating for about 8 months. Everything had been great at first but things changed half way through our relationship. She found out I was looking at anime and animations on instagram. Some had sexual tones to it but no nudity. It was not hentai, weirdo stuff, or pornographic at all. Just creator stuff on instagram. She blew up when she found out and a week long argument followed. After that I was hopeful that things would get better and the love would come back to our relationship but it didn’t.

I had just finished college before that argument and we went to my home state and moved in together. Things continued to get worse though. All her trust for me was gone. She would go through my phone almost daily, she would question who I talked to when we were apart and who I followed on instagram, she didn’t want me to talk to family or friends for relationship advice but she could talk to hers anytime. She would get extremely upset with me over small things. It took a toll on me. I had to cut all ties with any female friends from college to keep her comfortable. I’m not a cheater. I would never do anything like that but she treated me like one regardless. I felt like I was walking on ice around her to keep her happy. One step out of line led to an argument. There’s more to it but I would type here forever.

We were fighting almost daily and it got to a point that she was trying to threaten me financially and emotionally. Over the weekend I finally stood up for myself and told her how I felt. I told her that my family was concerned for me and I didn’t like being treated like this. She can’t tell me what I can and can’t do or who I can and can’t talk to. She can’t blow up on me over small inconveniences or threaten me. It was a bad argument that involved a lot of yelling. Eventually she picked up her phone and I assumed she was just gonna call her family so I walked out. When I came back in a few minutes later I found out she was calling the police and said she I was yelling at her and she needed help. I couldn’t believe it. I just opened the door and asked her to leave which she did. The police never showed up but I was broken. I would never assault her or force her to be there. I couldn’t fathom the idea of doing anything to her. I loved her and would always do everything for her. My whole life could have been ended over a false accusation.

Yesterday she left to go back to her home state. She said I was cruel and my family was crazy before blocking me on everything. I’m heartbroken. I still love her but those last few months were so hard to go through. I was being emotionally tortured for months and it all ended with the police being called on me. However deep down I still love her and part of me wants her back. I feel terrible inside and I’m so lost. Does this relationship need to be let go?

I’m at M23 and my girlfriend is an F23 and we’ve been together for almost 8 months. Our relationship started great but things have started spiraling and I need some advice.

We met while I was still in college and things were amazing at first. We had a deep sense of love that I hadn’t felt in a long time. She also told me that she had really bad anxiety and had been in a lot of terrible relationships in the past that really traumatized her. I was always trying to be as reassuring and patient as possible to give her the relationship that she wanted and deserved.

After school ended is when things started to get bad for our relationship. She found out that I was looking at anime drawings and animations on my phone. Some had sexual nature to it but no nudity. It was not hentai, weirdo stuff, or pornographic at all. Just stuff that artist make on instagram. She had a meltdown when she discovered this and said that I was micro cheating on her. That started an argument that lasted about a week. It was a really hard time but I stayed optimistic for our relationship. I promised her I would never do it again and wanted to move past it and I haven’t done it since.

It’s been about 4 months now and things have gotten worse since then. We moved in together in my home state after that argument and I had a positive mindset that we could work past it but that hasn’t happened. Her trust for me has completely disappeared. She questions me on who I talk to on when we’re not together or who I follow on instagram. She sends me reels saying all men are untrustworthy and need to be closely monitoring in relationships. She checks my phone almost daily to see what I’m doing on it. She’s pressured me into not following females friends that I used to know from college and not having female friends at all, even at work. Mind you I have never tried to reach out to any of them at all. They were just people I knew from school and followed just like anyone else after school to keep up with. I still unfollowed and cut contact with almost all female friends I used to have to maintain our relationship. Things kept getting worse though. She would get more agitated by really simple things. She got upset because I started going to sleep early since I work 12 hour shifts most days a week or because I bought her a candle as a simple gift from the store but it wasn’t the kind that she liked.

Now things have reached a breaking point. I feel like I’m walking on ice around her to avoid setting her off with simple things. She doesn’t want me to call my family for advice because she thinks they’ll gang up on her and because it our business only but will call her family about our relationship. Despite all of this I reassure her as much as I can and give her 100% of my trust but she won’t give me the same. I’ve tried to talk to her about some of these things make me uncomfortable and how I feel this relationship is one sided but she won’t listen to any of it. She just says that it’s my fault that she’s like this and I need to be more patient with her anxiety.

I’m so lost right now. We have an apartment and 2 cats together but we argue almost every night. Now it’s looking like this relationship is going to end. I don’t know what to do and just need to hear something. I’m afraid to talk to my parents or my friends about this. Should a relationship continue like this? What can be done to fix things?