u/TeeMcGinnisearth313

Yes you probably di see this in AITAH, just looking for as many different opinions as I cancan.

Hey reddit, I haven’t had the chance to book an appointment with a therapist and want neutral feedback so here I am, lol. I recently cut off a longtime friend and am wondering if I’m the AH for how I went about it.

I lost my grandmother late last year, we weren’t super close but she was my final living grandparent so the loss hit me pretty hard. I tend not to broadcast my life on social media but I did change my pfp and make a post. I got support from essentially all of my friends, but one. One that I had known for ten years and claimed to be a brother. I get to nearly a month after her passing and still heard nothing from said ‘friend’. I didn’t reach out specifically to him about this, but he’s one of those guys that’s always on sm. I wanted to end the friendship then, but decided to give grace and actually reach out and talk about what had been going on and how I had been feeling. We talked and I THOUGHT it went well, things started to get better then more radio silence. My Son’s (his godson..) birthday passes and he doesn’t call or try to see him (i think he sent a text a day later MAYBE). The final straw came when I tried to share a career milestone with him (you know like FRIENDS do!) conversation was flowing right up until I send that, then radio silence again.

At this point I’m brooding and going back over the course of the friendship, I realize this isn’t new behavior, It was a pattern I ignored for years. I’ve shared good news with him just to be met with either no response, or apathy. I give it a week before I ended the friendship with a pretty rough text. I’ll attach a semi redacted version to the post (if reddit lets me). :

“Sooo I’ve been sitting on this for a while and have given more than ample grace, but I’ve reached my breaking point. You have disrespected me and my relationship/ marriage for years, been a bad friend and even worse Godfather. I didn’t even realize that trying to share a milestone would be a litmus test, but hey😅. There are people I’ve known not even half as long as you that have been happy for me, whereas you have met me with apathy at best and cold tones of jealousy at worst. I definitely expected someone who calls me a “brother” to at least react, but clearly that’s a title that doesn’t mean as much to you as it does to me.
As for my marriage, I’ve let you spew envious venom about you mistakenly believing that you deserved to find love before and more than me for years. You haven’t found it yet because you lack the maturity and work ethic it takes to handle the woman you THINK you’re ready for. You also mistakenly compare my wife to these random women who you’ve had these shallow connections with, which further goes to show the maturity you lack.

Here’s a bit of advice for you, the lack of maturity is the reason none of your relationships have ever worked. I could’ve told you that if you would’ve ever asked me instead of always trying to run to my wife for man advice, which is also WILDY inappropriate. With this friendship ending, that’s also something you will no longer have access to. I now feel like I should’ve listened to EVERYONE that called you jealous and grimy in HS after you tried to pull that weird shit with T and left you where you were then. Instead I defended you and stood by you for 10 years while you quietly hoped I fail. I hope you know that I ALWAYS wanted to see you win, I always wanted you to find the Love you deserve and I always beamed with pride over every achievement you made, but you tried to ‘crab in a barrel’ me in return. I’m sure I fell short in more than one area of our friendship and for that, I am truly sorry for failing you and not being the friend you needed. I wish you would have told me what you needed the way I tried to tell you so that things didn’t have to get here. I pray your life is full and beautiful and that you succeed in everything that you do. I hope you crush it at your concert at Carnegie (if you’re still doing it) and that life delivers bigger and better opportunities to you in the future. “

Other contributing factors to add context:

1. ⁠he would go to me wife for relationship advice often; trying to give advice that would be better coming from a friend of over a decade 😅 this got to the point t where in the last months he talked to my wife more than me.
2. ⁠He was constantly comparing his life to mine. Every flavor of the month he talks to he thought he was going to marry and was just so much like my wife, and they never were.
3. ⁠the incident in HS the texts are referring to is him wanting to date my first love in HS DAYS after the breakup (literally gave the shiz no time to airdry). I told our friend group and they all pretty much have dropped him to this day.

So, WITAH?

Hey reddit, I haven’t had the chance to book an appointment with a therapist and want neutral feedback so here I am, lol. I recently cut off a longtime friend and am wondering if I’m the AH for how I went about it.

I lost my grandmother late last year, we weren’t super close but she was my final living grandparent so the loss hit me pretty hard. I tend not to broadcast my life on social media but I did change my pfp and make a post. I got support from essentially all of my friends, but one. One that I had known for ten years and claimed to be a brother. I get to nearly a month after her passing and still heard nothing from said ‘friend’. I didn’t reach out specifically to him about this, but he’s one of those guys that’s always on sm. I wanted to end the friendship then, but decided to give grace and actually reach out and talk about what had been going on and how I had been feeling. We talked and I THOUGHT it went well, things started to get better then more radio silence. My Son’s (his godson..) birthday passes and he doesn’t call or try to see him (i think he sent a text a day later MAYBE). The final straw came when I tried to share a career milestone with him (you know like FRIENDS do!) conversation was flowing right up until I send that, then radio silence again.

At this point I’m brooding and going back over the course of the friendship, I realize this isn’t new behavior, It was a pattern I ignored for years. I’ve shared good news with him just to be met with either no response, or apathy. I give it a week before I ended the friendship with a pretty rough text. I’ll attach a semi redacted version to the post (if reddit lets me). :

“Sooo I’ve been sitting on this for a while and have given more than ample grace, but I’ve reached my breaking point. You have disrespected me and my relationship/ marriage for years, been a bad friend and even worse Godfather. I didn’t even realize that trying to share a milestone would be a litmus test, but hey😅. There are people I’ve known not even half as long as you that have been happy for me, whereas you have met me with apathy at best and cold tones of jealousy at worst. I definitely expected someone who calls me a “brother” to at least react, but clearly that’s a title that doesn’t mean as much to you as it does to me.
As for my marriage, I’ve let you spew envious venom about you mistakenly believing that you deserved to find love before and more than me for years. You haven’t found it yet because you lack the maturity and work ethic it takes to handle the woman you THINK you’re ready for. You also mistakenly compare my wife to these random women who you’ve had these shallow connections with, which further goes to show the maturity you lack.

Here’s a bit of advice for you, the lack of maturity is the reason none of your relationships have ever worked. I could’ve told you that if you would’ve ever asked me instead of always trying to run to my wife for man advice, which is also WILDY inappropriate. With this friendship ending, that’s also something you will no longer have access to. I now feel like I should’ve listened to EVERYONE that called you jealous and grimy in HS after you tried to pull that weird shit with T and left you where you were then. Instead I defended you and stood by you for 10 years while you quietly hoped I fail. I hope you know that I ALWAYS wanted to see you win, I always wanted you to find the Love you deserve and I always beamed with pride over every achievement you made, but you tried to ‘crab in a barrel’ me in return. I’m sure I fell short in more than one area of our friendship and for that, I am truly sorry for failing you and not being the friend you needed. I wish you would have told me what you needed the way I tried to tell you so that things didn’t have to get here. I pray your life is full and beautiful and that you succeed in everything that you do. I hope you crush it at your concert at Carnegie (if you’re still doing it) and that life delivers bigger and better opportunities to you in the future. “

Other contributing factors to add context:

1. ⁠he would go to me wife for relationship advice often; trying to give advice that would be better coming from a friend of over a decade 😅 this got to the point t where in the last months he talked to my wife more than me.
2. ⁠He was constantly comparing his life to mine. Every flavor of the month he talks to he thought he was going to marry and was just so much like my wife, and they never were.
3. ⁠the incident in HS the texts are referring to is him wanting to date my first love in HS DAYS after the breakup (literally gave the shiz no time to airdry). I told our friend group and they all pretty much have dropped him to this day.

So, WITAH?

(ps I’m SO sorry for how I posted this. I only posted once but it split up my post really wierd. Hope this edit fixed it)

Hey reddit, I haven’t had the chance to book an appointment with a therapist and want neutral feedback so here I am, lol. I recently cut off a longtime friend and am wondering if I’m the AH for how I went about it. I lost my grandmother late last year, we weren’t super close but she was my final living grandparent so the loss hit me pretty hard. I tend not to broadcast my life on social media but I did change my pfp and make a post. I got support from essentially all of my friends, but one. One that I had known for ten years and claimed to be a brother. I get to nearly a month after her passing and still heard nothing from said ‘friend’. I didn’t reach out specifically to him about this, but he’s one of those guys that’s always on sm. I wanted to end the friendship then, but decided to give grace and actually reach out and talk about what had been going on and how I had been feeling. We talked and I THOUGHT it went well, things started to get better then more radio silence. My Son’s (his godson..) birthday passes and he doesn’t call or try to see him (i think he sent a text a day later MAYBE). The final straw came when I tried to share a career milestone with him (you know like FRIENDS do!) conversation was flowing right up until I send that, then radio silence again. At this point I’m brooding and going back over the course of the friendship, I realize this isn’t new behavior, It was a pattern I ignored for years. I’ve shared good news with him just to be met with either no response, or apathy. I give it a week before I ended the friendship with a pretty rough text. I’ll attach a semi redacted version to the post. Give it a read and tell me if I really was the AH. Can also update with the response I got if anyone cares to read it.

Other contributing factors for added context:

1. he would go to me wife for relationship advice often; trying to give advice that would be better coming from a friend of over a decade 😅 this got to the point t where in the last months he talked to my wife more than me.
2. He was constantly comparing his life to mine. Every flavor of the month he talks to he thought he was going to marry and was just so much like my wife, and they never were.
3. the incident in HS the texts are referring to is him wanting to date my first love in HS DAYS after the breakup (literally gave the shiz no time to airdry). I told our friend group and they all pretty much have dropped him to this day.

So WITAH?