i recently broke up with my bf of 2 years. it was a very healthy relationship and healthy breakup, we’re on good terms, but in the last few months i found myself getting constantly irritated and not wanting to spend time together. if he complimented me, asked to hangout regularly, or showed interest in something new about me, i’d tell myself he didn’t mean it or it was forced and i would get irritated and pull away. found out he would be living closer to me in the summer for a job and got very overwhelmed and annoyed, like he was attaching his life and goals to mine.
it got to a point where i didn’t feel loved (my reason for breaking up with him), because every time he was affectionate i felt irritated, i was analyzing the small things about him, and i also started questioning whether i was holding myself back and if i would be happier with someone else (called deactivating i think). did therapy for a bit and was introduced to attachment styles, and i realized dismissive attachment for me was behind a lot of this, and a pattern in a lot of my relationships/friendships.
i feel relieved now that i’m single after 2 years, my schedule isn’t tied to another person and i have no obligation to text someone back.
however, i’ve been thinking a lot of asking to get back together and try again, as i did love the relationship before and don’t want to feel like i’m throwing someone good away because of my doubts and need for independence. but i keep talking myself out of it, i’m worried about what if i continue to be irritated and think about being with other people? what if i can’t be happy with him?
how do people navigate being in relationships as avoidant? now that i’m aware of it, i wish i could change if it’s possible to even do. would love to hear insight from anyone else who has struggled with something similar.