I Don’t Know Anything
I’ve always had this. I was born with it.
I’ve been spiritual for as long as I can remember. Not because someone taught me. Nobody did.
I remember her- an old woman with dark gray hair and a black coat stopped me on the street when I was still a child. She looked at me with knowing eyes, and said : “You’re a medium” . That was it. No explanation. Just that. Then she walked away. Disappeared into the crowd like smoke. For years after, the spiritual side terrified me. I ran from the shadows that followed me, from the whispers only I could hear. There was no one to hold my hand through the dark, no guide to teach me the language of what I saw.
I was always good at feeling energies. Reading rooms. Reading people. But the dark side terrified me. Feeling presences. Seeing things I was convinced I wasn’t supposed to see. I had no idea how to deal with any of it and there was nobody to ask.
My teenage years were brutal. I was already dealing with family issues, and this other layer made everything twice as hard. So I tried to shut it down completely. Close the door. Walk away from it.
I was also struggling with depression for years.
Then something shifted inside me.
I felt more awake than I’d ever been. Something ancient inside me stretched awake, and for the first time, the fear dissolved. I felt luminous. Powerful. Light as air and vast as sky. I’d always known I moved between worlds others couldn’t see, but after that awakening, everything transformed.
For the first time, I actually appreciated being different. I stopped apologizing for my difference. I began to cherish the way I could read the invisible architecture of people, of energy, of truth.
That’s when I went deep into witchcraft.
I devoured knowledge. I started educating myself about the universe, energy, time. I wanted more, so I enrolled at university to study psychology. Hungry for both sides of the coin: the seen and the unseen, the empirical and the mystical.
Spiritual awakening is sacred. Deeply personal. There’s no universal timeline, no right way to do it. Everyone walks their own path, stumbles through their own darkness, finds their own light. Some people wake up all at once. Others spiral through it in waves. There’s no map for this. No one can tell you how yours should look.
At nineteen , I believed that I had arrived. That I had figured it out. I could see things others couldn’t. I’d accepted being different, accepted never being fully understood. I thought consciousness was a destination, that understanding my gifts meant the journey was complete. I never had support or guidance or just simple understanding , but I also knew I’d rather be lonely than change who I was. I accepted my solitude.
What I didn’t know then: awakening isn’t a moment- it’s a spiral. just the beginning.
For me, it came in stages. Maybe waves.
I would reach these incredible highs!! I could feel my frequency humming through me like electricity, how powerful my energy felt. The universe communicated through trees, animals, stars, through the pulse of energy itself. I felt full, charged, radiant, complete. like nothing could be better.
Then.. a shift. Space opening inside me like a dark blooming flower. Room to grow even higher, to hold even more light. to hold even more energy.
New level. New lessons. New magic to explore.
At first it felt like a drop, like something was missing, so those first days or weeks after each shift felt like being in a low. But I always knew deep down it was the good kind of low , the kind I needed to do the work and ‘level up ‘ again.
The pattern repeated: a beautiful high, then a hollowing that felt like loss but was actually preparation. Those early days after each shift felt like depletion, but I learned to trust the emptiness . It was the dark soil where new growth begins. I danced this dance for years and Each time I gracefully emerged stronger, wiser, more aligned.
Until last year.
I felt it coming.Then last year…. I felt something enormous gathering on the horizon . I knew this one would be different, that I’d need to be strong enough to survive it. I prepared myself for war.
And then…
Then the universe spoke in a language I didn’t expect .
I was getting diagnosed with cancer.
It shattered me. My mind became a storm I couldn’t calm.
It destroyed my mental health. I felt lost. Small. Powerless. No matter what I was trying to do I couldn’t get myself from that low.
The irony of the healer who can’t heal herself.
I had all the tools and knowledge to help myself, but I couldn’t access them. I could still help others, but not myself. Nothing worked. I was locked out of my own medicine.
That’s when I met someone. The first truly spiritual person who understood this path. After years of walking this alone, I finally felt seen. Like the universe had sent me what I needed.
But I wasn’t in the right space to receive it. My mind was chaos. I couldn’t find clarity even when it was offered to me. Everything felt too heavy, too confusing. I was too lost in my own storm to hold onto anything steady.
Until one day, I simply grounded myself. Small steps. Little things that seem effortless now but felt monumental then.. like jumping off a cliff straight into the ocean. But it was exactly what I needed.
The work continues. The learning never ends.
There’s more I’ll share with you in time.
But for now, let this sit with you:
Doubt is holy. Being lost is part of the path. You will discover your own way in your own time, and it will be exactly right.
After everything, I know one truth: I don’t know anything.
And that’s where the real power lives. That’s where the real magic begins.
