Anyone go through a Silent Divorce? Me [50/M] her [47/F]?
M/50
I'm wondering if anyone has or is going through a silent divorce and how did it turn out?
Without making a novel my wife and I have been together for 30 years. We've had ups and downs. Its never been perfect but you know....
2 kids. One is a fresh adult and the other will be soon. Both live at home.
About 2 years ago I had a really tramatic experience. Mom died and I had my first ever breakdown. It was bad bad bad. It was really bad for a year, I took 4 months off work and was an absolute wreck. She was simply not there for me. She spent the summer out at the lake (60 min away) with the kids and her family. Meanwhile my breakdown had just started and I was a puddle. I went to the hospital twice. Once by ambulance once I drove myself. Both times she was unwilling to come back from the lake. She just wanted me to let her know how it went.
They got back for school for the kids. We kept what I was going through away from them (doesn't matter why)
Things between us got worse as she made it very clear she did not want anything to do with my problem. I had begging for help but there was none to be had. If I did talk to her about how I was feeling she would either give me a short time limit or simply say she couldn't talk to me atm because she was either busy or stressed herself.
Anyway that lasted over a year. I did have weekly dr appointments that she would drive me to and those 20-30 min appointments were the only time where I could speak freely. Mainly because it was to my dr while she sat there.
I started recovering with the help of meds after about a year, then fully recovered and off meds entirly about another year later.
Late into my recovery when I was thinking clearly the abandonment issue was really bothering me looking back at how bad it was.
I decided to talk to her about it as things never quite went back to normal between us. I think one of the resons was I was resenting her.
When we talked, I was calm, collected, sincere and open. All the things you should be when dealing with a sensitive topic. I explained to her how I felt, why I felt that way and reasons why. I talked for about 30-45 min and at the end of it she said nothing. like nothing at all, we just stared at eachother. I told her I didn't have anything else to say and she got up and left. That was 8 months ago.
Since that time she has just been nasty. Like I did something wrong. On top of that I am also bitter about her lack of response. Like how important am I to her?
It feels like she is trying to wait me out and for me to come to her and apologise about the whole ordeal but the longer this goes on the less I am willing to forgive.
We hardly talk anymore. Definatley no sex, hell, we haven't even hugged in 8 months. She's always had problems with control over the house/kids and its now 100x worse. She tells me how bad of a parent I am (my kids love me and are closer with me than her), how dysfunctional my childhood was and how I am somehow a bad influence on our kids. She once said "You made bad choices. How did that turn out for you?". Meanwhile I'm thinking I did make some bad choices but still somehow landed a great career, nice house, great kids AND still ended up with her! How much better was she than me when we ended up in the same place?
Anyway. just wondering if anyone else is in this situation.