u/Straight_Objective69

I don't know exactly where to post it but it seems apropriate in this subreddit. Dont really know ab the title either.

Anyways, I get myself thinking alot about my gender and stuff. Im amab but I fantasize a lot about being born afab. I really feel bad for being amab and not afab. I cant view myself as a woman though, and I don't think I would even if I transitioned, but I dont feel like a man either. I consider myself in the nonbinary spectrum, but I dont really like to see things through the identity lens. I'm curious if someone feels something similar as well.

Im 5w6 So/Sx 514 and I never seem to find a So/Sx 5 anywhere. Please manifest.

I came to the conclusion I'm a 5 (5w6 So/Sx 514 more precisely) after a looooong time researching and changing my opinions. I firstly thought I was an E1, then an E5, then an E4, then briefly an E3, then alternated between E5 and E4 (and sometimes E1 again). I got to the conclusion I'm a 5 by process of elimination and by correlation between those types and what made me think I could be one and not the other.

I started thinking I was an E1 because in general I relate to most of the E1 characteristics in a deep way. I don't think I am a E1 because I'm really messy and my mind is very chaotic and I do not force my world view on others (obviously I mean it in the normal way an E1 does that).

I started thinking about E4 because I also identify a lot with 4s characteristics. I don't identify with the part where 4s make people deal with their shit so they can figure themselves out because I hate being a burden for people. I do feel a lot and have the need to express things, even though I'm a bit shy and reserved.

I started thinking about E5 about the same time as E1, specially because the friends that introduced me to enneagram said I looked like an E5. I do relate to most of the things on E5, but I don't think I relate to the vouyeuristic side of E5. I do get the thrill of observing the world and I do feel extremely unprepared to deal with the situations of life, but I don't like to visualize myself detatched from the world because the thrill of things comes from our relationship with the world and with people and from real experiences. I dont want to throw my life away. I already thought about being an E7 because of that and I used to be very energic as a kid and I used to and still do make a lot of planning for stuff that I want to do and end up with more projects than I can handle. I'm not positive like an E7 tho, and I do not have the social skills of 7s or the fast responsivness they have. I'm more inclined to 5 and 4 because I relate to the exploring the inner world and being a depressive little shit. I also identified with E3 because I do have an extreme desire to be praised and be good at stuff and to create a badass self image and I cant handle being worse than other people on anything, but I handle that frustration by just being frustrated and doing nothing about it (really not healthy).

I think about the relation between 1 and 5 where 5s are like 1s but they are critics of themselves and not the world. Im a critic of both by mainly myself for not being competent in any level (not only skill based stuff).

I also discarted 3 because I dont really follow what society wants or whatever.

EDIT: I forgot to add some things...

1 - I'm very outgoing for a 5. I'm more sociable than every single 5 I know. That's why I think I'm So/Sx (I identify with Social variant and it's needs and I dont identify with the isolationist aspect of Sp)

2 - I forgor