u/Spiritual_Plan4926

I have given my partner a second chance and made it clear this is ALL I am giving. If he blows it he knows it’s over for good. He has changed his behaviour and it’s stuck for a few weeks now. I know this doesn’t mean forever but he told me I will see that it is forever. Things have been A LOT better. He acknowledged how he treated me, he told me if anyone else talked to me the same way that he would punch them out. He has apologized multiple times and took accountability. He’s also brought up certain situations and was like “ugh why did I have to do *blank* when I could’ve done *blank*. He even wrote out a paper saying he will respect me always, work on himself and find himself to better himself and our relationship. And we both signed off on it. He has not raised his voice at me or sweared at me/name called.

Has anyone given their second chance and had a successful relationship afterwards? Got married? Lived happily for years etc. I would love to hear stories such as that but I know most of the time the *change* does not last. However I do have some kind of belief in him otherwise I would’ve been gone.

As of right now, I have chosen to give this chance and see it through so I have been doing just that.

I am 28F, 4 months postpartum. I lost quite a bit of weight early post partum, I was at 149lbs. Currently I am at 155lbs. If I never gave into the binge cycle again I would probably still be losing weight! Ugh. I still weigh less than I did before I got pregnant so I want to take advantage of that and get the best body I’ve ever had. I want to be fit and healthy and feel good in whatever I want to wear. I just wanna be my best self. My best self has discipline so I guess that’s part of the answer here. But if anyone has ANY suggestions that would be amazing.

Am I in the wrong for feeling some type of way? Me and my bf watched an episode of our show, then started the next one and I started to feel sleepy so I told him and we turned it off. He then started playing video games and I put on a podcast on my phone to listen to. Then a friend texted me so I was texting. Then my bf got upset because we could’ve been spending time together if I was going to be staying up. I said sorry. And then he’s like can I have a kiss or hug? “I’m that simple you know this”. Like okay. Anyway gave him a hug and kiss and then our baby woke up so I tended to his needs obvi.

Why am I irritated? Should I be apologizing and giving a hug and kiss if I know that’s what will work with him? Did I do something wrong here? He also noted my tone needed to change which it prob did but I’m a tad irritated inside maybe because I personally would not take this as a big deal. But I know everyone is different and he stated he was communicating his feelings/needs.

UPDATE: (original text below) Where to go from here? Is it wrong/ a bad idea to consider giving him a real chance? All weekend he has expressed his apologies for numerous things. For how he treated me postpartum etc. he wishes he could take back the things he’s said/done. He says he wants/needs/will change for me, our baby and himself. He has cried and got emotional many times. He’s felt guilt and thought about how he pushed me away. Made me fall out of love. Etc. he wants to get me to fall back in love. He wants to make me smile and love him the way I did before (and even more so, since he knows it may never be the exact same). He wants to start all these healthy habits with me and himself. Guys where do I go from here? He’s treated me amazing this weekend. He hasn’t slipped up once. He knows my boundaries now and he knows I WILL leave. Any thoughts?!?!

ALSO. I also know this is bad but I got on his phone. I searched his ex in texts and read his convos. I think they have cleared air since over the phone and haven’t spoken since but in these texts he was awful . They showed her gaining her voice and expressing herself. She said “everyone can see how much happier she is after leaving “ “my life is so much calmer “ “learning boundaries “ “I know you, I don’t want to sit on phone and have you belittle me” etc etc. you get the point. I wasn’t even surprised. Yet I was in shock? Or feel 100% validated now and not crazy. This is proof. A pattern.

What do I doooo. What if he really is willing to change and work on his behaviour ???

28 F, am I wrong for wanting to break up with my boyfriend?

I am a first time mother, 28 F, with a 4 month old. Our relationship has been very rocky since our son was born. However, a thought of mine was proven true tonight.

He was talking about his ex within a conversation we were having (I did not bring up his ex) and he went on to say he told her she was delusional and then when she left him finally she got medicated etc. I asked why he called her this and he responded saying she would space out, disassociate. I questioned what would make her do so (“knowing” the answer) and he responded saying “probably because of my lectures”.

Clocked it. Even though I have known this deep down this entire time. He has lectured me for HOURS, while I was very early post partum, for months, weekly. Criticizing me, calling me defensive, telling me I couldn’t take criticism, telling me I was shutting down ( LIKE HIS EX would ). I was sleep deprived, barely eating, new to motherhood, dealing with that bullshjt. And I thought I was going insane. I believed I was being all these things he was telling me I was. “Lost”, “not compassionate” towards him, etc etc. I could go on and on.

He called me a “mopey bitch”. I was depressed!

Anyway, last week I tried breaking up with him because he came home from work to get something and then started questioning if I was going to workout, clean etc. meanwhile baby was napping on me. I snapped on him. So much resentment has built up. I told him I am not living like that for the rest of my life. (I have house cleaned and dinner for him almost every night!! And he is calling me lazy..)

I am finally out of whatever haze I was in, the haze where when he was lecturing me early post partum I would space out and has no idea what to even say back. His ex wasn’t even post partum and spaced out.

Does anyone know what this even is?!?

Anyway. He lost it when I tried breaking up. Begged me not to. Apologized for how he’s treated me. Still is. Telling me he is going to change etc. all of it. But now just him backing up my thoughts (me thinking did he do this to his ex??) I am just so speechless.

I thought I was someone I was NOT. I am still me. I am not insane.

Sorry if this is all over the place. I am writing this at 4am