u/SpinyNorman_

My Partner (AFAB, they/she) and I (cis, he/him) are having a low-stakes argument over whether “asshole” is a gendered insult. Partner thinks it is because “most of the time” when someone calls someone else and asshole, they’re talking about a man and it would be “confusing” to refer to a woman as an asshole. I say it’s not because everyone has an asshole so it should be okay to call anyone an asshole.

The context for this is that I referred to a transphobic woman as an asshole, to which Partner objected and said I shouldn’t misgender her, and then felt annoyed that they needed to defend a transphobe.

Partner and I will settle this argument one way or the other, I just wanted to see what the hive mind thinks.

I got ghosted by another therapist last week (they no-showed to the first session; maybe I smell?), and today I got fed up enough to call my insurance company for help finding one who was in-network and taking clients, because apparently I’m just dogshit at it. They sent me a list of therapists near me, all supposedly in network, and I started calling them. The first one didn’t exist. The therapy practice had no record of them ever working there. The second one didn’t take my insurance. The third one was an oncologist.

So I called back, and some hapless customer service rep made a three-way call and dialed their way down the list—the insurance company’s own list, mind you, of therapists supposedly under contract with them—until we finally found one who: (1) existed, (2) took their insurance, and (3) was taking new patients.

It took five more tries, and the problem wasn’t number three. The first place was a drug rehab center that was in their system as a family therapy center. The second one’s voicemail was full. The third was out-of-network (again, this was from the insurance company’s own list of in-network providers). The fourth was a place I’d already tried before and wasn’t about to go back to (the guy I saw there gave me shit about my weight and kept pushing diet pills). I have an appointment scheduled now with the fifth place I called, and I honestly don’t think I’ll try again if this one’s a bust. Not for a while anyway.