Resentment Towards My Parents, Myself, and The World
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I'm writing this to try and make sense of the resentment I carry towards my parents. With my mom, it's less about her personally and more about the environment I was raised in as a Jehovah's Witness. That upbringing was incredibly strict, dictating how I dressed, acted, and even thought. I feel like it robbed me of my adolescence and left me completely unprepared for things like talking to girls or just being myself. I came out of it feeling like a sissy, unable to navigate social situations most people figure out naturally.
My resentment towards my dad is more direct and recent. He was always working out of town, so I never had a real male figure growing up. When he was home, he'd drink a lot, and though it wasn't violent, he never offered any approval. No matter how hard I worked on his job as an adult—work I hated and never wanted to do—he would never say anything positive. He'd praise others right in front of me, but for me, it was always that I wasn't a good worker or was scatterbrained. I stuck around because he needed help and couldn't find anyone else, but that decision feels like it cost me everything. Last year, I wanted to join the military in 2026 as a way to start a new life, away from all of this, but a bad car crash took that option away. Now I'm stuck, filled with regret and this massive amount of bitterness. I don't feel close to him, not even after the crash, and I have a deep disdain for the other guy who works for him, mixed with jealousy. I just wish I had left earlier.
P.S I used A.I to write this for me... I kind of just, yapped and had it organize it for me. It's late and I'm sick. Sorry for fraternizing with a clanked. Also, there's a lot more to all this so if someone wants to converse with a weirdo I'll be more than happy to talk about all this shit.