u/Sharp_Monk_1815

Trying to decided if I’m being petty or not.

I have 2 nieces living with me currently.

21 and 26.

The 21 year old recently we asked to attend a dinner for my wife’s birthday (that we’d told them we’d pay for) and a movie (which we also paid the for the ticket to attend. In the middle of dinner she left and went out to the car and I went out a little bit after when she text that she was having a panic attack.
I got in the car and she asked if I would take her home and I happily did because I have panic attacks and I understand completely. But the min the car started she was fine tears dried up and she was on her phone. Got her home then not even 30 mins later she was driving herself to her friend’s house because they “needed” her.

26 yr old lied to my wife that I was going through her phone and the wife was also wrong because instead of asking me she just took me off her faceid and changed her password immediately and when I asked her why she lied to me twice. But this isn’t the first time the niece has done this. Recently blaming me for her mental health issues and because I won’t share my meds with her for weight loss I’m the cause of her becoming bulimic which when my wife asked her about it because you also said my wife was telling her to do it, she said she wasn’t and that’s not what she said.

So I have been being petty and parking in the middle of my drive way so both of them have to park on the street instead. Yes petty.
But I’m tired like those are just the two things that’s happened recently and I’m just done.

So do yall think I should stop being petty and let them park in my driveway again or continue to make them park on the street instead. Oh forgot to mention my wife parks in the garage (her car is newer) so no one car park on the other side of the drive way.

Added the text message convo to the other stuff she said, also just fyi she very huge manipulator when she doesn’t get her way and this is the 26 yr old.

My partner of 10 yrs now had a split for about 10 months and then we’ve been back together for almost a year. In that time frame my partner met someone that was poly and which has lead her to feel she is poly now.

Weve been in couples counseling since we’ve been back together. I was accepting of it for several months with absolutely no feelings against it.

Until I found out she was lying to both of us for months about her and I being back together again, then caught her lying several more times which she had done previously. Especially when it came to her niece that has lived with us for several years now. Generally concerning when she knew I’d have a problem with something she was doing for the niece (my wife enables badly).
Recent thing being that her niece told my wife that I’d gone through her phone and my wife immediately believed the niece and took my faceid off her phone and changed her password. When my wife asked me to do something on her phone I noticed I didn’t have my face on it anymore and asked her why she took it off she told me oh her password was to long. Then a week went by and she asked me again to do something on her phone again I noticed my face wasn’t on there and she lied to me again about changing her passcode. Well I went to do it on my phone to see if you have to take the faceid off to change the passcode and found out you don’t.

So I confronted my wife and she told me Isadora informed her I went through her phone. I had not gone through her phone id checked to see if Isadora had sent her money for rent and had only pulled down the notification to see if it was on there Cash App notifications and that’s it. I don’t believe in going through a partners phone because I feel if you go searching for something you are always going to find something to upset you(which my wife has gone through my phone without my knowledge several times before out split up).

Since all this has happened and more I have been having a lot of anxiety and panic around her seeing the other partner. I feel my trust in my wife is extremely low at this point. I told my wife this and I have told Her that I don’t know if I can do her being poly and that I may have to step away from our relationship if she can’t not be poly. I am not asking her to do it now I am working with my therapist to see if there is something I can do to help this.

Recently my wife informed me that her other partner wanted to come down for her birthday to celebrate. I got extremely anxious about this and tried to be okay with it had a meeting with my therapist she actually asked my doctor to give me anxiety meds. And my therapist suggested asking my wife to post pin the meeting for now.

My wife agreed, I’ve been checking on her since making sure she was okay and if she needed to talk about anything. Well 45 mins before work she informed me that she paused it but is still going to communicate with the other person, she felt it was a fair compromise.

but I feel I didn’t ask her to lie or do the other things she’s been doing why do I have to deal with her “pause” including talking to the other person still. Do you guys think that it’s right for her to continue to talk to the other person during us trying to repair all the trust she’s broken?

Petty or not