Do I need to be forceful?!
I hate the title because I HATE the thought of forcing anyone to do anything. I (26F) have a great grandmother (95F) who has been of incredible health forever. It wasn’t until recently she got sick and just never fully recovered. Went from walking fine, cooking and cleaning, to barely being able to walk and needing a walker. She has seen and is seeing her doctor and we’re getting the help she needs. However, this post is majorly about her incontinence issues. This woman is my best friend and has been my guardian parent for most of my life. I would do anything for her. But she won’t listen to me and she won’t let me help… She wears her diapers to bed (her bed is also lined with waterproof fitted sheet and a shower curtain underneath another fitted sheet in case of accidents) but refuses to put the diapers on through the day. So, I ask her periodically if she has to go to the bathroom and she says no, she’ll go when she needs to. Later, when I notice she needs to go to the bathroom (leg bouncing, rocking back and forth) I’ll tell her to go before it’s too late, to which she’ll either say no or shoot a dirty look over… eventually, a lot of times she will go on herself and now I have a lot of work to do involving cleaning the couch and her clothing. She doesn’t tell me when it happens so if I don’t notice or ask she will hide her dirty clothes in a corner somewhere! It’s ridiculous and I’m getting frustrated when I really don’t want to be. She says she doesn’t need the diapers in the day and refuses to put them on. I wish she would realize it creates so much more work for the both of us. I just don’t know how to force a grown woman to put on a diaper without damaging our relationship or hurting her dignity.
She stays clean because I stay on top of it and constantly am monitoring and telling her to go to the bathroom and doing her bedding. But we shouldn’t have to go through this every day. Sometimes it’s a discussion that lasts an hour about “I know you CAN make it to the bathroom but we both know there’s a chance you won’t. It’s just insurance, I don’t think you’re incompetent at all”
Don’t even get me started on the 2 hour long argument it takes for me to get her in bed before 3am… I spend most of my time arguing with her because I don’t know how to force her to listen to what’s best for her.
Sorry in advance, I’m so new to caregiving.
ONE MORE THING! If any of you have any sweet grandparents (preferably 90+) who can use Facebook and you also think they could use a friend, message me! We can do it discreetly so they don’t feel like we set them up lol. I just want my grandma to have a friend her age so that she has someone to talk to about this stuff with someone who gets it. She’s very depressed and coping with losing her independence.