u/Scarierthanyoungma

There are somethings I feel like I need a buddy for. For example, I hate reality t.v in the way that I love to hate to watch it and talk shit about it with someone else. I won't watch it any other way, but most people don't want to sit there and shit talk with you while they're watching their show (understandably so). - There are certain things like that that I just need a buddy for but there's literally nowhere I could look for that lmao.

edit to add : that's not all I also mean like a buddy to watch films and video essays with so we can analyze the films and converse about the essays. (I am realizing now how nerdy this sounds) there are so many things I think would be so much more fun with a buddy.

For so long it seems now I've just been yearning. It's an aching yearn, sapphic in part, what I feel but largely it's more human than anything. I yearn for something real, something passionate, something antique. I yearn for something that feels like jazz music. I mean this in the softest, slowest, blackest way.

I want something that feels like dark skin under blue light, the way it's always looked prettiest. Candle glow is a close second though I'll admit.

Something earthy in nature yet adaptable and intellectual.

Something sensual. Something that walks and breathes and is confined to nothing; Something like a painting. Something that feels the way southern gothic films do. I yearn for that thing that feels like a slow dance.

Intimate with the ability to ignite and yet not the purpose. Moving in step, basking in the vulnerability of clumsiness, giggly eye contact with burst of long thinly vailed desire, silk touches, and scents engulfing senses, close enough- touching but not engaging. Almost synonymous to a lazy Sunday I crave a leisurely type of foreplay with no intention or end goal - only journey. I yearn to take that long walk...

Maybe that's corny, but it feels impossible - everyone is so obsessed with being "non-chalet" that it almost feels embarrassing to want and downright humiliating to vocalize. That is until I think if not this, the ability to want deeply, then what would make me in particular human. What would keep me human?

Does that make sense? Please tell me I'm not alone here lol