u/Sadtransb0ii

My psychiatrist suggested I have OCPD a while ago when I spoke about my severe communication anxiety. I get in spirals where I am overwhelmed and don’t answer a text or miss it and then begin avoiding my messages completely due to my growing anxiety.

It just makes the situation worse and I end up crumbling under pressure and messing up relationships and opportunities. I’m in the middle of a crisis right now and I realized a big part of it is me stressing over the perfect excuse/response to send a person to fix the situation and constantly putting it off.

Thinking about sending a text right now makes me want to cry. I am at my family house right now since April 22nd and told my roommate I’d message them the date I’d come back, right before I left they had blown up on me for several issues (that was mostly resolved) so I had my phone on Do no Disturb from the anxiety spike it caused. Since I was on dnd I missed when they first texted me in April, when I realized that I kept trying to think of how to respond and panicking, putting it off.

He had asked if I could look after his cat when he went away for a bit, I said I would love to but I’ll be away and idk when I’m coming back but I’d let him know when we decide I’ll return. Originally I mentioned it’d be in the beginning of may but I wasn’t feeling well and off my meds+doctors appointments so I’m leaving Tuesday now.

After missing the first text I kept thinking about how I’d do it tomorrow and make the “perfect” message to fix everything, but I never did and he texted me again today. I wanted to respond but I can’t bring myself to open the messages. I’m constantly trying to think about what excuse to say and how to word it so everything works out, but as time goes on the pressure only gets worse.

This isnt the first time this has happened it’s basically a constant for me and it’s unbearable. Just writing this post out admitting the roommate situation and thinking about how mad he must be and how terrible I’ve messed up/not met perfect standards makes me cry.

I have to deal with my roommate right now but I can’t even open the messages, I can’t think of what to say or what excuses to use. I have chronic health issues and had a lot of doctor’s appointments and delays? Idk he already blew up on me once the morning before I left town and it really messed me up.

I really want to get into LARPing but I am trash at speaking French (and can’t seem to find any in Montreal, not really sure where to start looking or if I’m even looking in the right places). I’ve never done it before but it seems so fun since I love DnD and have always loved improv/costuming.

Not sure if there are any campaigns going on in or around Concordia? Any suggestions are happily welcomed.