u/RevolutionaryLab5234

I’m in a healthy relationship, we communicate really openly and talk about everything. One time we talked about porn and I told him I don’t mind that he watches it. But one day I asked what he usually searches for, and he said things like “long legs” and “tall women.” Right after saying it, he realized he probably shouldn’t have because I’m literally the complete opposite. He acknowledged that and life moved on, but the problem is that now I feel really insecure about my height, which never used to bother me before.

All of his exes are tall and I’m very petite. I think because we have such good communication, he just answered naturally without thinking, and then later realized it might hurt me. But now I can’t stop thinking about it.

How do men’s minds work with this kind of thing?
He compliments me constantly, makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, and he’s amazing to me in so many ways. But I still feel insecure about this.

I’m in a healthy and loving relationship, and logically I know I’m loved, valued, and chosen. My boyfriend is emotionally available, reassuring, and we genuinely have a strong connection built on trust and communication.

But for some reason, I keep comparing myself to his ex, and it’s becoming mentally exhausting.

She goes to my gym, so I see her often, and my mind keeps creating stories and comparisons. I think about what their relationship was like, if he loved her differently, what memories they shared, even random details that don’t matter anymore. Sometimes the thoughts become intrusive to the point where they interrupt intimate moments with him.

What confuses me is that there’s no actual problem in my relationship. He treats me well, reassures me, and gives me no reason to feel threatened. This seems to be entirely happening inside my own mind.

I think what hurts the most is not even jealousy itself, but this constant feeling of comparison and not feeling “enough” in some invisible competition that only exists in my head.

Has anyone dealt with this before?
How do you emotionally manage comparison and intrusive thoughts without letting them slowly damage a healthy relationship?