She ruined my graduation mass because I didn’t want to immediately take pictures. Now she’s not coming to my graduation and called me a selfish bitch this morning. I should be more hurt but honestly I’m numb. I knew all her support was fake. I knew it.
Friends are cancelling on graduation plans left and right. I can’t buy a date to save my life. Hype me up because I’m not excited about anything right now.
Not gonna be too long. I graduate law school next week. Seems like most people I consider friends have a million excuses for why they can’t show up for me. I’ve already removed romantic relationships from my life. I’m very close to giving up on friendships too.
I try very hard to show up for people but it never seems like my efforts are reciprocated. And because I’m a very direct person, people use my “reactions” as a way to escape accountability for letting me down. I’m done putting effort into relationships; platonic and romantic.
People kinda suck. But I’m still very proud of myself. First generation college graduate and law graduate. Still sad, but also very proud.
I just came on here to vent. Maybe other people feel like, maybe they don’t. But I wanted to vent these feelings.
Black men have treated me poorly my whole life. From insults, to dating, to professional spaces, my interactions have been more negative than positive. Even with that, I try very hard not to generalize people. I love the nuances of life and I know people are deeply complex beings. However, with all the online discourse happening recently, I feel tired.
I lost a family member to domestic violence. Killed in her own home. To go online and see Black men defending the murder of Black women, it’s heavy. I feel like we are so hated. So judged. So resented. And I can’t understand why. Feeling down about the state of community recently. It’s so negative and hurtful. I know I should take a step back online but I hear the same stuff in real life too.