u/RestlessSoulShanghai

Yesterday, my cousin called me while he was drunk.
I didn’t pick up the first time, because I had a guess — I thought maybe my mom had asked him to call me and try to persuade me to go on blind dates and get married.

She’s done that before. Many times, actually.
She would ask relatives back in my hometown to talk to me, one by one, trying to convince me. And honestly, it became really overwhelming for me.

So this time, I assumed it was the same thing again.

But when I finally talked to my cousin, he denied that.
Instead, he brought up something else — something that hit me much harder.

He told me that my aunt and uncle are getting very old.
I’ve been living in Shanghai for years and haven’t gone back to my hometown in Henan for a long time. He said, if I don’t go back during this upcoming May holiday, there might not be many chances left to see them again.

When he said that… I felt it immediately.
It hit me in a very emotional way.

When I was a kid, I basically grew up in my aunt’s house.
I ate there, stayed there — it almost felt like my own home.

And now I’m almost 40…
and I feel like I haven’t really given anything back to them.

That thought made me feel really heavy.

My cousin also mentioned something very real —
he said, “Our uncle has already passed away. If you want to see him now, you can’t anymore.”

That sentence stayed with me.

So I started thinking seriously.
Going back… feels like something I should do — emotionally and morally.

But at the same time, there’s another concern in my mind.

I’m worried that if I go back, my relatives might use this opportunity to arrange blind dates for me again.

I know they mean well. I really do.
But when it comes to marriage, I have my own views.

And the problem is —
those views are not something I can explain in just a few sentences.
Even if I try to explain, it’s very hard for us to truly understand each other.

So I feel stuck.

On one hand, I genuinely want to go back and see my aunt and uncle while I still can.
On the other hand, I really don’t want to be pushed into something I’m not comfortable with.

So yeah… that’s where I am right now.