u/Respondez

Me and my boyfriend have a great sex life. I'm always satisfied. He's given me the best sex experience I've ever had. He has a long dick with aberage girth. He has many insecurities, one being his girth. I've joked about it lightheartedly, he has made jokes about me as well. Nothing crazy. I've never had a complaint about his girth or our sex in general. Neither has he.

He has begged on and off for months for me to let him use a cock sleeve on me. I've always said no, and has begged him to stop asking. I've explained how much it hurts that he's trying to force it on me. I feel like forcing me will take away pleasure.

I don't want to do it because (1) I don't want to be stretched by plastic (2) I don't want to be fucked by plastic, I want skin to skin (3) I love my boyfriends dick completely (4) this will feed into his insecurities if I enjoy it (5) he will hold it over my head, always bring it up, ask me a ton of questions on the experience to see if I enjoyed it more than I enjoy him

There have been times when we were long distance and he would beg me to use an object in the house that's bigger than he is. Afterwards, with a big grin, he would ask if it was better than him. It's either that turns him on, or he's insecure and wants clarification that something was better than him. Even though he begged for it.

He says he just wants to pleasure me more. He says he would only be insecure if I wanted it all the time. He says he wouldn't hold it against me or try it with someone else if I refuse. He used to say we could get one that was a sheath, but now he wants a full coverage one.

He went awhile without bringing it up after a long talk, but it has resurfaced. He is clearly obsessed and really wants this. After angrily discussing it for two days, I've given in. I'm afraid he will explore these fantasies with someone else if I continue to refuse. I'm afraid he'll never stop asking. I don't want to lose him or continue to make him unhappy.

Picking one out has made me uncomfortable. The thought of using one makes me uncomfortable. The thought of enjoying it makes me uncomfortable. The thought of not liking it makes me uncomfortable. The thought of his insecurities and 50 questions makes me uncomfortable. I just want to cry.

Do I need to be more open minded, and listen to him when he says he "just wants to pleasure me more"? Am I overrating by worrying about his insecurities? Do I need to worry about enjoying it and hurting his feelings? Will this destroy us?

TLDR; My boyfriend has begged me for months to let him use a cock sleeve even though I've begged him not to. I gave in because I want to make him happy. I feel unheard, humiliated, and used. Am I not being open minded enough?

22(F) with a 21(M) for a year. We've both grew up in very abusive homes. Physical, sexual, emotional, neglectful abuse. No, we can't afford therapy.

For a normal couple, I have seen it where one person says "I think this" the other person says "Well, I think this, which is the opposite of what you think"

And it ends there. How? Me and my boyfriend can not operate this way.

First example

My boyfriend likes well known emo rappers. I personally hate them. I hate their voices. I hate the cringey angst. But I'll tolerate his music as often as I can without complaint. At some point I can't take it, and I use my headphones while in the car.

While listening to music in the car one day, I played a 90s emo punk band that he didn't know. I said their voice sounds similar to the emo rappers he listens to.

Uh oh.

He completely disagrees. It begins a fight where I aggressively try to explain the similarities and he aggressively tells me I'm very very wrong. I mock his rappers, he calls me arrogant and I'm completely wrong and I don't listen to anyone but myself. Pretty much that I'm stupid for making the comparison, and no one would agree with me. Here is where I get so angry, my blood boils, I feel completely overlooked and misunderstood, I flail, I scream my points, I punch the car, I pull my hair. It's a fenzy and I feel like I can't help it. I'm so angry. I've lost control. I can't calm down.

We are in a car. We can't step away. All I can do is put on my headphones and he blares his music to be obnoxious.

My boyfriend? He can calm down quickly. He can step back from a moment and try to move past things. I, however, stew in my anger. I can't let go. I can't let go of the fact that I was misunderstood, and how it was handled. I take a long time to calm down. It can take hours. Over something so small.

And after we calm down? Yeah, he understood my comparison. He understood what I was saying bout the two bands' similarities. This doesn't make me calm down, but it should. It only makes me continue to be mad. He's ready to move on, apologize, kiss, hug, but I'm stuck in my anger. In those moments I can't remember why I love him, I can't remember good moments between us even if it were minutes ago, I can't find a good enough reason to calm down. The moment we try to talk about it again, it will flood back. The frustration, the anger, the helplessness, the lashing out, it will return.

Over what? Over nothing. It's always over nothing. There are many examples. Times where I dislike his behavior. I could simply approach him kindly. And even if he gets defensive, I should be able to keep my composure, but I can't. Because that defensiveness begins the disagreement. We aren't agreeing on something. And it turns into something very very bad. I make it much much worse than it ever has to be.

There are deeper examples where something that should be a conversation turns into lots of screaming, lots of insults, in each other's face, and my lashing out turns to him. I push him. As things get worse, I'll punch his chest and arms. And times where he won't stop yelling or gets too close, I've grabbed his neck. Over. Nothing.

It always begins over something that we don't agree on. It makes us both angry, but I lose control and make it much worse.

I know I have OCD. I've learned that I'm codependent, and I'm reading the famous book for it. Maybe this is part of it. But I'm beginning to feel like there's something more. A personality disorder? I just feel so helpless. I don't know how to change. I feel like I will never change. I wish I could wake up one day and know how to control myself.

Here are my questions:

What is wrong with me? What does this sound like to you? How do I control my anger? How do I prevent the anger build up, and how do I calm down quicker?

How do other couples handle being able to disagree on something and just drop it?

It seems like that is impossible for us. To just ignore it, leave it alone, never address it? Even though its so small. Even though it doesn't matter, it feels like it matters a lot to us to be able to agree on EVERYTHING no matter how small.

Your answer will be "get over it, let it go, you can't agree on everything"

That answer fixes nothing. I need advice.