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I have recently broken up with my partner. While searching for where things went wrong i came across BPD. Read symptoms and relationship dynamics.
My partner was male and all content on BDP was usually around women but if i had to put everything on list, all points were checked.

the love bombing in initial phase, always accusing me of something to make me prove my loyalty, calling me selfish, calling me unloveable, attacking my selfworth, shouting at me in arguments, cursing me, then loving me so well, then apologising, then picking out mistakes from past to keep me in guilt all the time. goes on and on and on

some of the things he'd say when hes lashing out to me

1. (I told him i am scared of sexual intercourse becase last time i had 3-4y ago it the condom broke and i have PTSD) He did not say anything at that time but then told me EVERY GUY WILL USE A GIRL LIKE YOU FOR FUN BUT NO ONE WILL MARRY SOMEONE WHO HAS OTHER PERSONS SEMEN INSIDE THEM. (This guy had series of casual relations hookups and failed relationships but the double standards and sexual shaming !!!)
2. F**K OFF, SHUT THE F**K UP , YOU ARE NOT THE ONE, YOU DONT DESERVE ME, YOU ARE SELFISH( constantly used no mater the intensity of the fight)
3. Always Accusing me of cheating even though i had given him all transparent access to my phone my socials everything.
4. He used to make up assumptions of what i might be doing and then used to accuse me to wanting attention from other guys on the contrary when i first met him he told me i liked you because i have never seen you looking at other men like women do.
5. Dont ever show me your face again. I hate your face
6. he used to withhold affection and love to keep me in guilt.
7. NVEVER TRUSTING ME !!
8. Making small misunderstands into big breaking up kinda issues.
9. I used to pay for everything and he took pride in that.

I was left with nothing when he broke up, and after i got into my senses i was shocked that why did i stay? I abandon myself to love him more, reassure him more while he kept crossing boundaries and having double standards.

The trauma bond is real. I invested every single second of my life on him.
Always reassuring, waling on eggsehlls, making sure he does not get triggred, isolating from my friends, kept taking abuse , crying in bathrooms, crying in cabs, crying all the time. Lost weight.

I WONT EVER ABANDON MYSELF TO FIX SOMETHING THAT IS NOT MINE TO BE FIXED

I recently ended a one-year relationship that slowly became emotionally abusive and psychologically exhausting for me.

In the beginning, the relationship felt very intense and loving. I was deeply attracted to him and genuinely believed I had found someone I could build a future with. But very early on, I started noticing signs that I ignored because I loved him and hoped things would improve.

One of the major conflicts in our relationship involved a male colleague of mine whom I had known for years before dating my partner. Although there was never any romantic involvement, my partner became extremely insecure and fixated on this issue. I took accountability for behaviors that may have made him uncomfortable, reassured him constantly, reduced contact, eventually blocked the colleague, gave him transparency with my phone, and repeatedly tried to rebuild trust.

But no matter what I did, the issue was never truly allowed to heal. It became a recurring weapon in the relationship.

Over time, the relationship became a cycle of:
- accusations
- overthinking
- emotional withdrawal
- shouting
- verbal abuse
- guilt
- reconciliation
- temporary peace
- and then the same cycle again

He would repeatedly say degrading and humiliating things to me during fights, including:
- “No one will marry you.”
- “I feel disgusted touching you.”
- “F**k off.”
- “Shut the F**k up.”
- “You don’t deserve respect.”
- “I should have kicked you out.”

He also shamed me for my past relationships and made me feel morally dirty for experiences I had before even meeting him.

He often spoke to me in ways that destroyed my self-esteem. I started walking on eggshells around him, constantly monitoring my words and actions to avoid triggering conflict. I became anxious, emotionally unstable, stopped eating during stressful periods, cried frequently, and had repeated mental breakdowns throughout the relationship.

The relationship became emotionally consuming. I slowly isolated parts of myself and focused all my energy on trying to “fix” things. I kept hoping that if I loved him better, reassured him enough, stayed patient enough, or explained myself more clearly, things would finally become peaceful.

But they never did.

One of the hardest realizations for me was understanding that I had normalized behavior that I would have once never tolerated. I ignored red flags because I was attached to the good moments and the version of him I hoped would become permanent.

Toward the end of the relationship, he became emotionally cold and distant. I was left in an emotionally confusing state where he would say things like I was “free to call him” but he would only talk when he felt like it. It felt like breadcrumbing and emotional control.

The final breakup involved shouting, accusations, and verbal abuse again. And for the first time, I realized clearly that no amount of love or patience from me could heal patterns that he himself was unwilling or unable to address.

Leaving has been painful. I still grieve the good memories and the future I imagined. I still experience emotional waves, dreams, and moments of sadness. But deep down, I also know that staying would have slowly destroyed my mental health even more.

I now understand that love without emotional safety, accountability, respect, and trust is not enough for a healthy relationship.

I’m sharing this because emotional abuse often becomes normalized slowly, and sometimes you don’t realize how deeply affected you are until you finally leave.