u/Practical_Thought_45

Assalamu Alaikum,

I am seeking sincere advice regarding my situation. I have been in a secret nikah with my husband for over a year now. My family is aware of our marriage, but his family does not know anything about me.

From the beginning, he told me he would inform his parents when the time was right, but that has still not happened. He is financially dependent on them as a student, and he fears that if they find out, they may cut him off or even disown him. Because of this fear, he has continued to delay telling them.

We live together, and I do everything I can to support our relationship. He wants to go back to Kashmir without anyone knowing about my existence. I completely understand and sympathize with that, but what is deeply hurting me is that he still refuses to even mention me to his family. When I asked him to at least say my name or acknowledge that he is already married, he said he is not ready and instead tells them that he is “thinking about marriage.”

This has been extremely difficult for me. I feel like I am his wife, yet I am hidden and unacknowledged. It has started to affect my mental health to the point where I am struggling to function in my daily life.

From his perspective, he says he agreed to a secret nikah because he did not want to lose me, and he tries to support me financially as much as he can while managing his studies. He insists that he wants to do another nikah in front of his family in the future, but he is very afraid of their reaction right now.

I am feeling lost and unsure of what to do. Is it reasonable for me to expect him to tell his family now? How long is too long to remain in a situation like this? Any sincere advice would be appreciated. Is it true that his parents would cut him off?

JazakAllah Khair.

I had a secret marriage with my husband. His family does not know, but my family does. He is 23 and I am 19. We got married more than a year ago, and we had known each other for two years before that. He has been saying for a long time that he will tell his parents, but he never has. He is afraid they will cut off his financial support because he is an international student and depends on them.

Now things have changed he wants to go home because his grandmother is sick, and wallahi I feel really bad about that. However, when I asked him to at least mention my name, he said no. We live together, and I do everything I can to support our relationship. I also attend university, but recently I have been extremely depressed and have developed severe anxiety. I cannot sleep, eat, study, or function properly. I am even considering speaking to my school because I cannot mentally handle all of this.

He wants to leave, and no one in his family even knows I exist. I am his wife, and this makes me feel very hurt. He keeps saying he will tell them about me when he gets there, but I highly doubt it. Even now, he does not want to mention me he just says, “I like a Muslim girl and I am thinking about marriage.” But we are already married, and we live together.

From his perspective (as I understand it):

“I agreed to a secret marriage because I didn’t want to lose her. I financially support her as much as I can while managing my internship and the 11 courses I have left in university. I am scared to tell my parents or let anyone find out we are married. I want to have another nikah with her in front of my family; otherwise, I feel like I might be disowned.”